Don't call me Logan, I once kicked a Seagull

First blog, first post. I thought I'd start out with a reprinting of an email I sent to a friend. It's quick and dirty, but hopefully some of you will find it funny.

I'll cover more serious ground as the weeks advance.

I walked into a gas station to get some drinks and the dude, a very scrawny looking older white guy starts talking to me.
It's better told but you my get the gist. He sorta looked like steve buscemi with more hair. We'll call him Steve.

Steve: How's it going man?
me: good, thanks, you? (bad move)
Steve: Good, (proceeds to stub his thumb) ouch! I gotta get out of this job, it's too hazardous.
me: you ok? (choking down a snicker)
Steve: yeah, I need to get back into Law Enforcement.
me: ah...(trying not to sound too interested and looking for my drinks to be rung up...no dice)
Steve: Yeah, I'm a weapon.
me: oh yeah?
Steve: Well actually my FISTS AND FEET ARE A WEAPON. (he gets loud)
me: well, I don't want any of that, I'm just buying a soda, thanks.
Steve (now pretty much ignoring that I'm a customer): Yeah, I'm a blackbelt in Hopkido (and something even more useless)
me: ahh...
Steve: Bonebreaking, my disciplines are all about bonebreaking...
me: No jui jitsu? all fights end up on the ground, grappling is good. (I've been taught well)
Steve: Pfft. No I train as Steven Seagull did.
me: ahhh...
Steve: He's broken so many bones that guy, I'm surprised he isn't classified as a weapon of mass destruction. (ok, he didn't say that
but something along those lines)
Me: ahh, in the movies tho, it was kinda faked.
Steve: Yeah, you know I once sparred with Seagull, at a Hopkido Tournament.
me: really? (as in really, what else can I fuckin say at this point, I'm a thirsty motherfucker)
Steve: Yeah, he was talkin to his wife, AND I KNOCKED HIM ON HIS ASS. (Seagull, I assume, not the wife)
me: Oh yeah?
Steve: Yeah he wasn't happy about that. I mean, he wasn't mad, just embaressed I think.
me: yeah, I can see that.
Steve: You know, in all those movies, you never see Seagull on his back once. He never gets knocked down.
me: yeah, he's badass, well have a good night man (crackhead)
Steve: yeah, I'm off to apply to NC state to become a security officer, but I don't want to carry a gun, cause I'm a weapon myself.
me: (sound of the door closing and me making my way quickly to my car)

Moral: he may not be a weapon, but don't tangle with a crackhead.

Peace,

G