Don't call me Logan, I once kicked a Seagull

Poes_Lament

Shared on Sun, 06/24/2007 - 21:42
First blog, first post. I thought I'd start out with a reprinting of an email I sent to a friend. It's quick and dirty, but hopefully some of you will find it funny.

I'll cover more serious ground as the weeks advance.

I walked into a gas station to get some drinks and the dude, a very scrawny looking older white guy starts talking to me.
It's better told but you my get the gist. He sorta looked like steve buscemi with more hair. We'll call him Steve.

Steve: How's it going man?
me: good, thanks, you? (bad move)
Steve: Good, (proceeds to stub his thumb) ouch! I gotta get out of this job, it's too hazardous.
me: you ok? (choking down a snicker)
Steve: yeah, I need to get back into Law Enforcement.
me: ah...(trying not to sound too interested and looking for my drinks to be rung up...no dice)
Steve: Yeah, I'm a weapon.
me: oh yeah?
Steve: Well actually my FISTS AND FEET ARE A WEAPON. (he gets loud)
me: well, I don't want any of that, I'm just buying a soda, thanks.
Steve (now pretty much ignoring that I'm a customer): Yeah, I'm a blackbelt in Hopkido (and something even more useless)
me: ahh...
Steve: Bonebreaking, my disciplines are all about bonebreaking...
me: No jui jitsu? all fights end up on the ground, grappling is good. (I've been taught well)
Steve: Pfft. No I train as Steven Seagull did.
me: ahhh...
Steve: He's broken so many bones that guy, I'm surprised he isn't classified as a weapon of mass destruction. (ok, he didn't say that
but something along those lines)
Me: ahh, in the movies tho, it was kinda faked.
Steve: Yeah, you know I once sparred with Seagull, at a Hopkido Tournament.
me: really? (as in really, what else can I fuckin say at this point, I'm a thirsty motherfucker)
Steve: Yeah, he was talkin to his wife, AND I KNOCKED HIM ON HIS ASS. (Seagull, I assume, not the wife)
me: Oh yeah?
Steve: Yeah he wasn't happy about that. I mean, he wasn't mad, just embaressed I think.
me: yeah, I can see that.
Steve: You know, in all those movies, you never see Seagull on his back once. He never gets knocked down.
me: yeah, he's badass, well have a good night man (crackhead)
Steve: yeah, I'm off to apply to NC state to become a security officer, but I don't want to carry a gun, cause I'm a weapon myself.
me: (sound of the door closing and me making my way quickly to my car)

Moral: he may not be a weapon, but don't tangle with a crackhead.

Peace,

G

Comments

bog3494's picture
Submitted by bog3494 on Wed, 07/04/2007 - 13:54
Good blog Poe, I love Balek's take on it. It is amazing how many ppl are out there like that. It is tough to be nice in those situations.
tank157's picture
Submitted by tank157 on Mon, 06/25/2007 - 13:35
Did he use french fries to lure the Segal in? That's what we used to use to lure in the seagulls down on the wharf in Seattle. Oh man, don't you just love that word, wharf? It spells as fun as it sounds! Anyway, judging from the last few times I saw him (in movies), I'd guess french fries would be quite the effective enticement to the Segal.
Spidey's picture
Submitted by Spidey on Sun, 06/24/2007 - 22:13
I have a neighbor like that. I try not to make eye contact or I might get into a random conversation with him.
OldManRiver48's picture
Submitted by OldManRiver48 on Sun, 06/24/2007 - 22:29
Yaa, no telling how many "tools of mass destruction" we remain unacquainted with by not being more personable in our lives.Thank God! :)
TheCrazyPerson's picture
Submitted by TheCrazyPerson on Sun, 06/24/2007 - 22:58
At least he could see it in your face you were ready to go! I hate to get customers on the phone like that. lol Nice first blog! Try to avoid that store in the future lol Icey:)
nomodifier's picture
Submitted by nomodifier on Mon, 06/25/2007 - 07:20
Got rid of you with laying a finger on you. That dude was a fucking Jedi. Crackhead Jedi.
BalekFekete's picture
Submitted by BalekFekete on Mon, 06/25/2007 - 07:32
In Episode 2, we find out that Poe's life is just like Fight Club, and he was actually talking to himself while waiting to be rung up at the register. ;)

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