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And thats the way the cookie crumbles

Pooka

Shared on Thu, 09/21/2006 - 16:11

So my girlfriend finished school yesterday... the graduation ceremony isn't until december... but she's completely finished with everything. I'm so proud of her... it's been a long hard road... but she did it. She's now officially a college graduate and can start doing her graphic design stuff for real now.

AND... she has an interview next friday. I'm so happy. She put tons of work in to this, and now it's starting to pay off for her.

However... now I kinda feel like an idiot. I don't have a college degree, I have a fairly shitty job, I have no real prospects... and honestly don't know if I'm ever going to finish school. I sometimes look at my life and wish I had done things differently... I kinda wish I'd tried when I was at the University of Maryland, not gotten married so young.... I don't know. I just feel like my life is amounting to absolutely nothing, and that it is too late to change it. I don't know if college is the way to go for me... I'm not real good in a classroom environment. I know I'm smart, and I know I have the ability to do the work, but I just can't seem to operate in a class setting. At my job I have no problems learning stuff and working hard... but put me in a class... and I'm going to slack off, not pay attention, and most likely just stop going.

In my eyes my life is really pretty much worthless at this point. I don't do anything except work(at a job that sucks) and play video games(that i'm not that great at) and occasionally do stuff with my girlfriend. It seems like I'm just circling until I figure out what to do with my life. I know I'm still young... but I've been "circling" since I was 18. Thats 8 years of not knowing what to do with my life... I'm sick of it... but I can't break out of it. I don't know what I want to do. I don't even have the slightest hint of what my future is going to be...

 

I'm just really depressed right now... I feel like my life is never going to go anywhere and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Comments

codemonkey's picture
Submitted by codemonkey on Thu, 09/21/2006 - 16:30
College isn't for everyone. My cousin is the same way, he's 28 and works as an HR person at a company. He doesn't complain too much (to me at least) but he's definately not seeing himself doing that for the long haul. The difference, he continues to talk about going into cooking or whatever you call it when you learn to do that stuff (culinary arts?). Two years he's been talking, and still he's done nothing about it. Why? I don't know. Lazy maybe? Or just afraid? If you are smart, and you don't feel you're getting anywhere, is there something you'd like to be doing right now? Are you just being lazy and not going after it or are you afraid? Or, do you really just have no clue what you want to do? CodeMonkey
Pooka's picture
Submitted by Pooka on Thu, 09/21/2006 - 17:07
There are lots of things I'd like to be doing... I'd really like to be in IT(and with the IT dept. at this company they could really use someone). Or maybe doing more with the xbox customizing and stuff... I just really don't know. I'm kind of settling for right now just because it's a stable job that at least is pretty much paying the bills... but it doesn't allow for any extras really. I'm always looking though, and I think I'm going to get more back into my DJing as well... it's been too long. Anywho... I'll stop complaining now.

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