Life, The Universe, and 8am Sunday TV

So.... it's 8:16am... and I'm still awake.  I'm feeling extremely introspective right now... and just feel like getting things off my chest.

The past few days have been.... well... less than stellar... but at the same time, completely awesome. I met a new girl who I think is totally awesome... and who knows, maybe there is something more there than drunken conversations on her couch at 5am...  but in the same time period... pretty much lost someone in my life who has been a huge presence for 5+ years. I'm also rethinking a lot of things in my life. Getting back in to school has really changed how I look at not only my life, but the people I have in my life. I'm 28 years old... but havin spent about 10 years working and not really taking school seriously I'm getting back in to the swing of it and realizing that I quite often don't act my age... and don't feel my age. Most of the people I hang out with are 19-21 or so and I was really worried that I would be that creepy guy who hung out with all the college kids... but last night I had a real heart to heart conversation with a friend and was told that he, and several others, really enjoy having me around and that no... I'm not the creepy guy. A few weeks ago I had a girl look at me and go, "You're old," and it damn near brought me to tears...  seems a pretty stupid thing to get upset about doesn't it? Looking back on it(and knowing this particular girl) I realize she was drunk and is in general kind of a bitch.... but as gruff an exterior I put on and as care free as I seem to be almost all the time... I'm really insanely sensitive. I cry over movies(when alone), books(when alone), and so many other things....

So.... I'm actualy almost crying right now.... for all the things and people I've lost... for everything I wish could be experiencing right now.... and for so many reasons I doubt I could ever explain to anyone who isn't inside my head.

I know that no one on this site will probably care about this... or hell, even read it. But I needed to put it somewhere and wanted to do it somewhere that certain people would never ever read it. It's cathartic....  and I don't care what anyone thinks.

Back to crying and watching whatever is on TV at 8:42am on a Sunday.