I'm a good boy...I'm a good boy....

So last night, about an hour before dinner, I suddenly had an urge to get a burger.  I'd been hungry pretty much all weekend but had been able to resist, but at this point it had gotten to the point where I have no resistance.  I went to the nutritional sites for Wendy's, McD's and BK and attempted to rationalize what I was going to do.  The thing is, when all you're eating for food is oatmeal for breakfast, a Fiber One post-workout, and then tuna and asparagus for lunch and dinner it gets old.  And of course I have protein drinks (mixed with water) that I take throughout the day as well, but thats a list of the actual food I eat every day.  It isn't much, it isn't particularly tasty or fulfilling, but from a nutritional standpoint its all I need.  And its working.

I've always been a "food as a crutch" kind of person, which is part of the reason for the trainwreck my physical condition became.  Some people are addicted to alcohol or drugs, I'm hooked on Chinese buffets.  This can lead to willpower issues when trying to rein in your diet.  Because of this I allow myself one cheat meal per week.  To be completely honest there's times I do 2 (at least waiting a few days between) if I have to, but I try to keep it at 1.  I'm trying to improve my physical condition, not use draconian methods to punish myself for being overweight.  Plus you're supposed to allow yourself some indulgences to preserve your sanity and keep you on track overall.

So like I said, last night I had the websites up and my rationalization was in full gear.  I should mention that I have always struggled with portion control, and most likely always will.  I had it worked out that I could get 2 Ultimate chicken grilled sandwiches and a double stack from Wendys, using mustard instead of sauce on the chicken sandwiches and not eating the buns either.   I could eat the buns for the double stack though.  It would be more than I normally take in for dinner but it wasn't horrible.  I had gotten dressed, had the car keys in my hand and was getting ready to head out when the damndest thing happened: I stopped.  I actually stopped myself from doing it.  That is the first time I've been able to do that since I've been back in the gym.  Sure there's been times I've heard a little voice nagging at me to reconsider going out to eat, but I've always been able to ignore it.  Not this time though.  I actually talked myself in off the ledge, changed back into my shorts and put the keys down.  Then I went in the kitchen and fixed up my tuna and asparagus dinner and actually enjoyed it.

Had a good workout today, but it was shoulders/traps and thats all dumbbell work so the new equipment didn't factor in to it.  Got a chance to talk to more of the regulars about the new equipment as well.  They actually came up to me and asked me what I thought.  I replied "hate it" and pretty much all of them laughed and agreed.  Then we'd bring up things we didn't like about it, problems we'd encountered trying to use some of it, and then just shake our heads.  Not much we can do.  But the downside to that is I'm starting to be engaged in conversations more and more while I'm at the gym, which really eats into the intensity level of the workout.  I need to try and cut that down.  I'd rather get 10 reps of something with the muscle completely fatigued because I'm doing 30 seconds between sets than get 12 strong reps after waiting 4 minutes.  Kind of defeats the purpose.

Other than that I have to call someone from an agency back about a job.  Not expecting much to come of it but you never decline a follow up because you never know.