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TOP 10 REASONS WHY SOME MEN FAVOR HANDGUNS OVER WOMEN

10 - YOU CAN TRADE IN AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

9 - YOU CAN KEEP ONE HANDGUN AT HOME, AND HAVE ANOTHER FOR WHEN YOU'RE
ON THE ROAD.

8 - IF YOU ADMIRE A FRIEND'S HANDGUN AND TELL HIM SO, HE WILL PROBABLY LET YOU TRY IT OUT A FEW TIMES.

7 - YOUR PRIMARY HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU KEEP ANOTHER HANDGUN FOR A BACK UP.

6 - YOUR HANDGUN WILL STAY WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU RUN OUT OF AMMO.

5 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T TAKE UP A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE.

4 - HANDGUNS FUNCTION NORMALLY EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH.

3 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T ASK, "DO THESE NEW GRIPS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?"

2 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU GO TO SLEEP AFTER YOU USE IT.

1 - YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN.

op Ten Changes CBS Is Making To The Grammys

10. "Best Country Album" award determined by good old fashioned leg wrasslin."

9. "Only live performance of the evening: A Howard Dean crazed rant."

8. "New category: Song most illegally downloaded."

7. "To encourage people to watch CBS, changing title to "Grammys: CSI."

6. "For safety reasons, earth and wind may perform but fire is prohibited."

5. "Bjork will be even bjorkier!"

4. "To draw fans of the Latin Grammys, all participants will wear sombreros."

3. "Opening number: A musical tribute to the FCC."

2. "Only Jackson permitted at the ceremony is Marlon, who is working backstage as a grip."

1. "If your acceptance speech is over 30 seconds, Puffy starts shooting."

Top Ten Messages on Britney Spears' Answering Machine

10. "This is the printing company. Your wedding announcements are ready"

9. "Hey, it's Christina Aguilera, did you get married or did I?"

8. "It's the printing company. Your annulment announcements are ready"

7. "Rush Limbaugh here. I'd love to try whatever you were taking the other night."

6. "So other than the embarrassing marriage and annulment, how was Vegas?"

5. "Hey, it's Paris. You don't need to get married to get attention. Just have sex on the internet."

4. "This is Kenny from high school. I have a couple of hours free on Thursday if you want to get married and divorced."

3. "Honey, it's Liza. Next time, instead of an annulment, hit him with a bottle."

2. "It's Jessica Simpson. Thanks for making me look like a genius."

1. "Pete Rose here. I bet 10,000 dollars on your marriage lasting a week"

etterman - Top 10 Dumb Guy Complaints About "The Lord of the Rings"

10. "I expected something, you know, more Hobbity"

9. "'Middle Earth' scenes clearly shot on regular Earth"

8. "It was real long and not a cartoon"

7. "Accidentally put butter on my Twizzlers"

6. "My name is Stu -- how come there aren't any Hobbits named Stu?"

5. "Where the hell is Chewbacca?"

4. "If they're going to have magic, why not bring back the rapping kangaroo?"

3. "Couldn't focus on movie -- kept thinking about how I blew all my money on the Giants"

2. "I kept trying to talk to Frodo, but he ignored me like he's 'all that'"

1. "I haven't seen it yet -- I'm too busy governing California"

TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH DARTH VADER...

10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.

9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.

8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.

7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."

6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.

5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.

4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.

3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."

2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.

1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.

TOP TEN REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED...

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream.

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

10. No one steals your chair.