Thanksgiving Woes.

As I stated before, Im married to a Japanese woman.  Part of my reality is that Thanksgiving just doesnt translate into japanese.  Well, the original intent of Thanksgiving does, but the Holiday as practiced by the typical American does not.

So a couple weeks ago I ask what we are going to do for thanksgiving and the wife sorta sighs and says she doesnt want to go cook the big dinner for food that she basically doesnt really care for.  So thanks ok, most people really dont want to cook a whole thanksgiving dinner..hence the multi-family pot luck.  So I make a few calls to the husbands in our little circle of friends who really just the guys married to my wifes japanese friends..but we all get along fine so its all good. 

So I call Steve, who only lives a couple miles from us and casually ask "You guys have any Thanksgiving plans?" 

to which I get "Well, we sorta talked about having everyone over our house since we always bbq at yours so we thought we would let our house get trashed this time..However havent decided for sure yet."

"Ok" I say, "well, let me know what you decide"

So later that day I tell my wife that Steve may be having thanksgiving dinner at his house.  to which she says she wants to go to Palm Springs with these other friends of ours and do thanksgiving at his familys house..oh yeah and theres a big outlet mall down there we want to shop at.

Ok, so this other friend is married to a Philllipino guy.  He's a great guy and all, but really what my wife was pitching to me is that I would drive 4 hours each way so I could listen to her and her friend jabber on in Japanese all the while listeneing to Dwight and his whole family jabber on in Tugalag and I could sit by myself and eat rice and spam for thanksgiving....oh yeah and the special added joy of a whole day at an outlet mall.  No thanks.

So Steve calls me back and says Thanksgiving at his house is a go.  Now I have to put the brakes on.  "Well, I found out Keiko is thinking about maybe going to Palm Springs with Dwight and Yuki so I may be solo this year."

So he asks whats going on and I basically lay it out for him.  Keiko just isnt into thanksgiving.  She doesnt get it.  Dinner at noon...football..naps..she doesnt like the cooking or the cleaning all of that so I guess its just a holiday she would rather downplay.  Really, thats no big deal to me...Im not that into Halloween..Everyone doenst need to be into everything.  Its ok.  She could go do her deal and I would be an orphan at a pot luck thanksgiving American style.

Maybe I should take a moment out and explain how being an orphan isnt that big of a deal in my life.  I work in the airlines.  The airlines fly on holidays.  Airplanes go places far away from home.  I have spent many a holiday in a hotel by myself, 5 states away from my family.  Its the reality of my life.  Most of our friends are in the airlines too so they all understand when someone shows up alone because their spouse is working...its weird, but somehow normal to us.

Ok back to the story.

So yesterday my wife comes home from work absolutely furious at me.  I am an inconsiderate asshole.

Steves wife did not want to have a thanksgiving party.  But because I asked what they were doing, she felt obligated to say yes.

These other friends, who havent been mentioned up to this point, wanted to have a family only thanksgiving but since they got invited to this other thing, felt obligated to say yes.

My wife is apparently considered to be a terrible, lazy wife because she doesnt want to cook thanksgiving dinner and we have somehow foisted the responsibility on someone else to take advantage.

I am a further asshole for innapropriatly pursuing a too-familiar level of relationship with my wifes friends husband.  Apparently the husbands are only supposed to feign enjoyment at gatherings of the wives..should we actually find that we have stuff in common and develop a friendship of our own, we should immediately seek counselling.  All family functions will be coordinated by the wives and nobody else.

So it looks like the whole thing is off.  I wont go knowing nobody else really wants to be there.  Frankly, I'd rather sit at home and make a turkey sandwich.