Culture Shock

 Two things happened last week that I had really been looking forward to: the Chicago LAN and the elections. Monday and Tuesday were nailbiters but I enjoyed Wednesday and spent most of my day at work asking my Republican co-workers if there was anything good on tv last night. I do write for a liberal website, but I don't like to mix my gaming with politics unless I can piss people off face to face. Thing really don't start cooking until Thursday...

Thursday: Woke up about 5 am and decided that 5am was real fucking early...went back to bed.

6am: Got up for real, loaded the Charger and headed north

7am Already sick of being in the Charger...

10pm Dropped my daughter off at her grandmother's house in Tulsa, Ok...slowed down and advised her to roll towards granny. She seemed okay but turned the phone off in case granny had a different opinion.

12pm Crossed the Missouri state line and took an epic 3 Monster and a cup of coffee piss break. Insisted that the wife take pics of me in front of the giant "cone dude." Drove for fucking ever.

8:30pm Collapsed in a heap on a Motel 6 bed in Springfield, Illinois. Tried not to think about the gallons of semen that have likely spilled onto that mattress over the years.

Friday

10am Found the "hot dog dude"

12:30pm Checked into the Schaumburg Hyatt. Not surprised to see DSmooth and ElektraFi already at the bar. Hugged, howdied, and ran the bags up to the room.

12:45 Set up shop at the table with the most available space, staking this table out as the "Forza Table"

1:00 Realized that no Forza guys were actually present, table was renamed "Table of Forgotten Games." A couple of guys from Cali were at this table, and FadeIntoBlack was picking "World of Warcraft" carrots. Played Mass Effect 3 for an hour.

2:00 Time to check out the hotel bar. Ordered a dirty Tanqueray martini but my Texas drawl got in the way and I ended up with a double Tanqueray martini. Went back for some Forza and promptly rolled my Hudson Hornet on the first turn and declared it was nap time.

4:00 Awoke to gin-induced heartburn and the revelation that I had forgotten to pack the fucking Tums. Managed to race a bit, met Doodi, LB, Hitman, Gunny, Styles, and Medic. Discovered the Gunny and I were on the same smoking schedule...every time I stepped out for a cigarette he was already there. That guy needs to slow down.

6pm Wormed my way into a conversation about hot wings. Several of the guys headed out but I lagged behind for a bit  figuring I would just meet them at The Ram in a few minutes.

6:15 Arrived at The Ram only to discover that the guys were enjoying wings at another location.

8pm Dinner with the wife at Gino's East for some Chicago deep dish in a crayon factory. The computer was out so we received our pizza in just under a decade. Asked the waitress for a Dr Pepper and she said the closest thing they had was Cherry Coke. I assumed she was either a lunatic or had never actually tasted Dr Pepper so I ordered a regular Coke.

10pm Back to the LAN...kept the whole Ram thing to myself because I had no desire to be ridiculed by Halo nerds.

12 Bed time. Heartburn now a 7.5 on the Richter scale

Saturday

9am Breakfast at Starbucks

10pm The "Table of Forgotten Games" gains a Halo nerd with no headphones who kept screaming weird Halo shit like "LB's on the ridge and he's one-shot." Ponderous, fucking ponderous. What does it mean?

12pm White Castle...not gonna help my heartburn. Picked up Halo 4 at Gamestop thinking that I might sneak in a game or two since everyone was playing Halo except me and Fade.

2pm Determined there was no need for me to get my ass shot off when I had a perfectly good copy of Forza 4. Entered a raffle for charity.

6pm Took my lovely wife into the city to meet some friends over dinner. Immediately parked on the tollway for an hour and a half.

8:30pm Arrived at the friend's house who suggested Italian for dinner...this was not gonna help my heartburn. Drove to Piazza Bella for some Mahi Mahi on a bed of risotto and some potato soup

10pm Finally left the restaraunt...apparently dinner in Chicago is an event that is not to be rushed. Got back to the LAN in time to learn that I won nothing in the raffle, but Doodi gave me a conciliatory t-shirt. Packed it in.

Sunday

9am Left for home, drove 95 mph through treacherous winds, pounding rain, and finally a bone chilling cold front...I was wearing athletic shorts in hopes of getting a roadie from the wife at some point.

2am Casa de Jones.