Washington vs Texas

 I am now an expatriate Texan living in Washington and over the course of the month that I have lived here several differences, both expected and surprising, between the two states have become apparent.

Barbeque

 Every meat-loving carnivore in the states has their own idea of what makes perfect barbeque. Kansas City does the whole sweet thing, South Carolina boils the meat then slow cooks it in a crock pot, etc. Washington grills that shit until it's essentially beef jerky brisket or jerky on a bone. Texas barbeque should be slow-cooked, over indirect heat that comes from a real wood fire...preferably Mesquite, Hickory, or if you live in the Hill Country, Oak. If you can't smell the smoke from the parking lot, don't eat there.

Rain

 I live in Northwest Washington, near the edge of a rain forest, and we get precipitation almost daily. However, the rain here is not punctuated with anxiety about funnel clouds, hail, or flooding. I have yet to see an emergency weather alert with a local meteorologist pointing out the hook on a Doppler radar map and advising folks in the path to take shelter. I haven't even seen a storm cellar here. The disaster equivalent to a tornado, in Washington, is the landslide. I'm not sure which is worse.

Recreational Marijuana

 In Texas, if you're looking for some recreational herb, you have to know a guy. In Washington, recreational marijuana is not only completely legal, it's big business. The retail boutiques here have menus with funny names (Obama Kush, Killer Queen, Platinum Girl Scout Cookie) THC content, percentage of Sativa vs Indica, and even feature edibles and sodas...all infused with cannabis.

I Can't Find Anyplace

 Living in North Texas is like living on a prairie. The land is relatively flat and there's very little chance that you will miss the Home Depot coming up since you can see it half a mile away and the parking lot extends all the way to the sidewalk. In Washington, very tall trees extend to the sidewalk, completely obscuring the business behind them. There is usually a sign next to the driveway indicating that the Home Depot is on the other side of those trees. This makes it hard to find places. The entire town of Gig Harbor is obscured behind these towering evergreens.

Football

  Folks in the Seattle area are very devoted to their Seahawks. The number twelve jersey, when worn by a fan, indicates that they are the "12th man", not the quarterback.If you wear a number twelve jersey in Dallas, folks are going to tell you their Roger Staubach stories. Cowboy fans are very vocal when The Boys are in winning form, and UT fans when the team hits a rough patch. Under no circumstance will a Cowboys fan root for the Houston team...it's a Dallas thing.

Where is Everybody?

 The DFW metropolitan area is home to nearly 7 1/2 million people, each driving their own car to work. In contrast, there are just over 7 million people in the entire state of Washington. Somehow, the freeways in and out of Seattle and Tacoma are just as fucked up as they are in Dallas or Fort Worth. 

Slow Drivers

  Nobody in the Pacific Northwest drives the speed limit. NOBODY. Drivers in DFW are doing at least 85 mph at all times. I've passed cops doing 85 and didn't even blink an eye. You drive as fast as you can on the freeway, until there's a wreck, and then you drive as fast as you can on the shoulder or access road. Folks up here are slow as fuck. I guess if you drive too fast you'll miss your turn, because of the trees, and have to turn around. The accelerator is on the right, amigo....use it!

Temperature

 Yeah, it's not nearly so hot here. My house doesn't even have an air conditioner...doesn't need one. No triple digit heat, no sun-scorched lawn, no watering bans, no crazy fucking water bills. It's very nearly perfect. If only we could teach folks here how to drive the speed limit or, gasp, even faster.