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Shakedown In The Comics Universe


With yesterday’s announcement that the Disney company was acquiring Marvel Comics, rival comics publisher DC went into quick action to counter the stiff competition generated from inevitable team-ups between Spiderman and Mickey Mouse.

DC Comics was pleased to announce their own new merger with Looney Tunes, Inc.  The new partnership creates a veritable buffet of team-up possibilities, although so far the main beneficiaries of the arrangement have been the super villains.

Lex Luthor quickly forged an alliance with Pinky and The Brain, while The Joker was busy recruiting Yosemite Sam and Elmer Fudd into his organized crime ring.  The face-painted criminal prankster has struggled to find a proper role for his newest members.

“At first they seemed very motivated,” said The Joker “but after awhile it became clear that all they wanted to do was chase after some damn rabbit.  I’m trying to rob banks and kill people, but I can’t complain too much.  They are awfully cute and funny.”

The super heroes have met the merger with reluctance.  After repeatedly chasing Daffy Duck away from Wonder Woman’s skirt, Superman asked if the DC universe could “go back to the part where I was dead, that was quite nice.”  And Batman has retired to lockdown in the Batcave after being informed that he would have to save Gotham City in a partnership with Bugs Bunny.

The new partnership has already met with a few casualties.  Wile E. Coyote finally caught the Roadrunner after a fatal mishap at an intersection involving The Flash, while Aquaman was apparently snatched from a stream at the hands of Sylvester the Cat.  When asked for comment, Jerry Seinfeld stated “I told you Aquaman didn’t have any superpowers.”

The alliance has borne immediate fruit, as the crossover limited series “The Adventures of Bizarro and Pepe Le Pew” has brought near-record pre-orders in comic shops across the country.  And the expected epic battle between the Martian Manhunter and Marvin the Martian should shatter previous sales figures of epic, universe-threatening comic series that no one understands.

Unfortunately, not all DC Universe characters will fit well into the new lineup.  “Of course we can’t do anything with the Green Arrow” said new editor-in-chief Foghorn Leghorn.  “He just plain sucks and there’s nothing redeemable there.”

Leghorn also lamented the obvious lack of capable villains that everyone who’s read a single DC comic over the past 50 years has noticed.  “Yeah we have the great Batman villains and Superman’s had a tough test here and there, but beyond that we’re tapped out.”

“But hey,” Leghorn concluded “at least we didn’t completely neuter Venom in a movie then sell him to Disney.  I mean, come on.  Seriously.  Porky Pig’s scarier than that.”

From a friend of mines blog