Drama

The weekend and this week have been crazy. I started off doing well in my NCAA brackets, but by the Sweet 16 they were pretty much shot. I don’t think I have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning the NCAA pool. There was also some drama going on this weekend, but before I get into that, let’s have a cheerleader pic of the day.

 

Time for some history. My mother and biological father divorced when I was very young; I was two or three years old. Shortly after, he joined the army and was stationed in Germany for pretty much is entire career. For whatever reason, I didn’t hear from him growing up. My mother re-married and my “step” father raised me as his own. When I was ten years old, I took his last name and he officially adopted me. As far as I’m concerned, he’s my father and I’m thankful I didn’t have the confusion like most other children of divorce have. I wasn’t pulled back and forth between two families and grew up with a normal life. I don’t have any ill feelings toward my biological father. In fact, after I went to college, some weird circumstances brought our paths together. He seemed like a good enough person. He didn’t bash my mom and I didn’t pry as to what happened because it didn’t really matter at that point. I haven’t talked to him now for a few years, but not because I’m bitter toward him or anything like that. Our paths just drifted back apart.

 

Fast forward to the present. I’ve been divorced (nothing unique…wife cheated on me) for about 11 years and have a child of my own who lives with her mother. I first, I fought tooth and nail for custody, but since I was in the military and about to be shipped to Kuwait, it was a losing battle. I got standard visitation, but my ex made it very difficult on me. She wouldn’t agree to court appointed days and weekends, she wouldn’t be at home when I went to pick up my daughter, and she would rarely let me talk to her. We had some big shouting matches, in person and on the phone. When she met someone else and got remarried, I thought maybe she’d loosen up, but if anything, she got worse. It seemed everybody around me was telling me to keep fighting because I had to do what was best for my daughter. At the time, it made sense because most people expect you to keep fighting. It got so bad I called the police on my ex and even took her back to court. Nothing was really resolved. 

 

While all this was going on, I could see how it was affecting my daughter. When she wasn’t crying and sobbing, she would have an attitude. I could tell she was really confused. At some point, I had to ask myself what was I really fighting for? Was I really doing what was in my daughter’s best interest? Or was I doing what was in my best interest and what my family wanted me to do? As time went on, it became obvious her stepfather really cared for her and she thought highly of him. Even though I didn’t initially think so (naturally) I came to see that he’s a good guy and adores my daughter.

 

When it came down to it, I realized all I wanted for my daughter was for her to be happy. She wasn’t happy with all the fighting and bickering. So, as much as it pained me, I decided to back off. I made a conscious decision to be less a part of her life in order for her to have a normal childhood. A childhood like I was fortunate enough to have.

 

I still see her from time to time. Oddly enough, my ex will call my mother and make arrangements for my daughter to visit. It’s usually only a couple of times a year, but at least it’s something without the drama.

 

Now comes the part that has to do with this weekend. My mom tells me my ex called and made arrangements to go and pick my daughter up today. Okay, no big deal. I asked when all this happened and my mom tells me a couple of weeks ago. At that point I was wondering why she didn’t tell me sooner. Even though I’m not an active part of my daughter’s life, I like to hear any news that I can. Then my mom tells me she’s been talking to my daughter a couple of times a week since December. Not only that, my sister has been talking to her too. 

 

That pissed me off. I don’t mind at all that they’ve been talking to her, but I don’t understand why nobody wanted to tell me. My mom said she was afraid I’d get mad. Again, I don’t understand. I rarely get to talk to my daughter, but my mom gets to talk to her fairly often. I’ve never had a problem with it. She always tells me about it and updates me about what going on. This time, however, it was a big secret. We got in a big argument about it. I just don’t get it.

 

Well, I have to cut this short. After all the negativity from above, I think I’ll end on a positive note…