Dear Mr. Snuphylupagus

 

 

My dearest Snuphy, my best friend, father of our children, owner of a most beloved proboscis,

 

I am sorry it has taken me so long to respond to your love note – it has been chaotic lately, what with the rattling of machine gun fire, the boom of grenades, muttered curses and explosive laughter coming from the family room.   I do, however, appreciate the warning of your extended absence and the explanation of your comatose and cranky condition.   

 

Of course, the Snuphettes and I miss you terribly.  However, we all understand the importance of your mission.  You’ve explained repeatedly that the safety of the world and life as we know it is on your shoulders and the burden is heavy.  I shudder to think of the consequences if you were to shirk your duty to your country to do such minor things as gutter maintenance, home repairs and sexually serving your loving wife.  Truly, we are blessed to have such a self-sacrificing paragon as you as a husband and a father.   The fact that you managed to cut the grass and rake leaves before your deployment is truly a marvel; a heroic effort that leaves me speechless.   My pride in you knows no bounds and the neighbors are sure to be astounded at the state of our yard and impressed with how thoughtful and considerate you are.

 

As the danger to your personal safety mounts (as it must the longer this mission lasts), I pray nightly for your safe return to our marital bed and the loving arms of your family.   I haven’t spoken to the mail lady yet, but Sven at the gym has been very supportive of my trials and tribulations.   He assures me that cardiovascular activities that increase my heart rate will reduce any stress or tension that I feel due to your absence.   He has been very kind by offering to help in any way he can, and has even suggested that perhaps massage would offer some relief.  I explained to him about your need for something kinky and he seemed very interested in experimenting with some ideas I had.  He’s meeting me at the barn later this month to work out the details.  I cannot tell you how exciting it is to have something different to look forward to as I pine away in your absence, taking care of your children and the house. 

 

To date, I remain faithfully yours,

Mrs. Snuphylupagus