Long Vagina

It’s official.  I’ve almost urinated on each of my three children.  Having the only penis in the house makes my manhood a source of curiosity for my daughters.  So sometimes when they catch me taking a leak, they watch, they stare, they point, they giggle, they call my penis names.  And each of them has at one point caught me mid stream, approached the toilet, and leaned out over the bowl for a better look.  My youngest even reached out in an attempt to grasp the stream of urine.  My efforts to clumsily flail them away while simultaneously restricting the flow of effluent has caused me to piss on the toilet, the floor, and myself.  I’m very proud to report that I have managed not to douse any of my daughters.  So far.

 

On a semi-related topic, my four year old has not read the “Daddy has a penis” memo.  Perhaps her parents failed to issue the document, or its contents were too obtuse for her age.  I don’t know.  I do know that as far as she is concerned, all humans have vaginas.  For instance, “Daddy, why do you stand up to pee out of your long vagina?” is a question I did not know how to answer.  My best stab at the truth was sort of "since it's long, I can aim better."  Genius.  She followed that up a couple weeks later.  As I exited the shower, she was standing in the bathroom doorway.  She scrunched up her shoulders, placed one hand over her mouth, and snickered.  Then she pointed to my groin and said, "your floppy vagina looks funny".  She snickered again, then walked away.  I couldn't muster a response for that one.  In fact, I was speechless for a long while.

 

My wife finds events like these hilarious.  I, on the other hand, find them disturbing.  They act as a reminder of how far in over my head I really am.

 

So, to pose a question I have not queried in the past, nor expect to ask in the future:  anyone else finding themselves sporting a long, floppy vagina??