Olympic Agony

An excerpt from last night's Olympics:

 

9 Year Old Snuphette: "I sure hope they don't show any more of that darn loogie instead of skating"

 

Me: "You mean luge"

 

9 YO: "Yeah, luge. That is so boring. They just lay there and do nothing."

 

Me: "Yup. Moving at 90 mph on their butts does look pretty dull. Near death experiences are like that."

 

Mrs. Snuphy: "Not another commercial!! Holy cow! This is ridiculous"

 

Johnny Weir comes out on the ice. I gag on a mouthful of beer, put down my book and say, "Wow. The pink laces on his corset match his tassel."

 

9 YO: "Is this the Canadian skater?"

 

Mrs: "No. He was two skaters ago I think. He did pretty well. I liked him. This guy is American"

 

9 YO: "Oh. What is that pink, floppy thing on his shoulder?"

 

Me, to myself: Please don't let her say penis.

 

Mrs: "Oh my gosh!! That is a pink tassel."

 

9 YO: "What is a tassel?"

 

Mrs: "It's like a pony tail made out of strings. Women put them on their boobs then swing them around in circles."

 

Me: Gag on mouthful of beer, then "OR they are used as a decoration on the HAT you will wear WHEN YOU GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL, or maybe even COLLEGE!!"

 

9 YO: "Really Mommy? How do you swing them around in circles?"

 

Mrs: "Dunno. I never figured out how to do it." Uh huh. Then she tried a diversion. "I love how long and lean he is. It makes his arm movements very graceful. He's a beautiful skater."

 

9 YO: "He hasn't fallen yet. I bet he gets a pretty good score."

 

Mrs: "Oh my GOSH!! He is wearing a corset! With pink laces no less!"

 

9 YO: "Mommy, what's a corset?"

 

Mrs: "It's a thing that women wear sometimes to squeeze their middles to push their boobs up. Makes them look bigger and bustier."

 

9 YO: "Oh. And that helps make the tassels go around in circles?"

 

Me:  Gag on mouthful of beer . . . . .

 

Mrs: "Dunno. Oh my, that was an excellent triple axel . . . . . . ."

 

 

I am extremely happy my 3 YO and 5 YO were in bed sleeping when this transpired. At some point the 5 YO would have put the above conversation into real world context.  I would have come home from work one evening to find her swinging simulated tassels from her chest, her little sister somewhere nearby mimicking the activity. It's this sort of thing that makes my beard turn (more) gray.

 

I don't know how much more Olympics I can take.