11 Things to Say...

...after bad sex.

11. "It wasn't anywhere near this messy in my fantasy."

10. "Do you itch too?"

9. "That was like listening to Fiona Apple talk about Maya Angelou."

8. "Next time, I'll just put my weiner in a warm bowl of water."

7. "Who knew 10 seconds could seem so long?"

6. "If we have a kid from this, I'm punching you."

5. "That was fair. Good thing I gave you a fake name."

4. "When I said, 'Who's your daddy?,' I didn't really want to know his name.

3. "I used to think it was cool that you could squirt stuff, but now it's boring and my Mom's minivan is starting to smell funny."

2. "If that ever happens again, I would have to be unconscious or drugged because that was about as fun as finger banging the sky."

1. "Wow, that sucked."