AT&T vs. Verizon

As some of you may know (and some not), AT&T is suing Verizon over their latest "There's a Map for That" commercials detailing each company's 3G coverage maps:

Now, AT&T isn't saying the that maps aren't factually correct...  Nope, they are saying that the maps are misleading because the empty areas on the maps represent different things.

Huh.

Verizon's response:  "The Truth Hurts."

AT&T did not file this lawsuit because Verizon's "There's A Map For That" advertisements are untrue; AT&T sued because Verizon's ads are true and the truth hurts.

For well over a year, the battle lines in wireless communications have been drawn around the "3G" (third generation) wireless data capabilities of each carrier, as measured by coverage, speed, and reliability. In recent years wireless carriers have upgraded their first and second-generation networks (capable of transmitting voice calls and limited data services) to 3G, enabling far higher transmission speed and therefore a far broader range of data products and services, such as faster music and video downloads, high-resolution games, and other software applications. Verizon Wireless has invested billions of dollars since 2004 upgrading nearly its entire network across the continental United States and Hawaii to 3G, and today covers five times more of the United States than AT&T's 3G network.

Despite the far smaller size of its 3G network, AT&T has spent tens of millions of dollars making its 3G network, which it dubs the "Nation's Fastest 3G Network," the centerpiece of its national advertising since at least the summer of 2008. AT&T now is attempting to silence Verizon's ads that include maps graphically depicting the geographic reach of AT&T's 3G network as compared to Verizon's own 3G network because AT&T does not like the truthful picture painted by that comparison.

Ouch.

Cut to the drama as the lawsuit is argued in court:

AT&T:  "Is that the entire coverage area?"

Verizon: "You want answers?"

AT&T:  "I want the truth!"

Verizon:  "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!  Because deep down in places you don't talk about, you want me on that map, you need me on that map!  Where we use big words like coverage, generation, fastest, and 3G.  You use those words as advertising porn.  I have no words for a man who rises and sleeps, and gets his phone calls secretly under my plan, and then questions the manner in which I provide it.  I'd rather you just dropped the suit and went on your way.  Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a Blackberry Pearl at your local Verizon store and stand post.

Judge: "Did you color that map red?"

Verizon:  "YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I DID!!"