The Chili Cook-Off

I'm organizing a Chili competition with a few people at work here. We're doing prizes, video games and it's going to be a lot of fun. Since we're all getting canned in a few months - we need the boost. Anyway, I told Dean about the competition and he immediately decided that I would bring in HIS Chili. Not the White Chicken Chili that I make - but his, super-spicy chili. I told him that I kinda wanted to bring in my own recipe. I mean, I'm organizing this thing, and it is my work. This didn't go over well and he decided to scheme behind my back with a fellow co-worker...

You might not think this is funny because you're not married to him. But I cried my make-up off reading this shit. The email chain between Dean and my co-worker Kami:

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Kami,

Tara has refused to sponsor my entry into the Minute Clinic IT Chili Cook-off.  So, I'm going to need another sponsor.  I'm offering this opportunity to you!

I make awesome chili that will undoubtedly win.  I understand all submission are anonymous, so all you have to do is bring it in, enter it into the contest, and collect the first place prize (which we can split 50/50).  Plus, everyone will think that you made the best chili they have ever tasted, so the undying admiration of your co-workers is a small added bonus for you.

What do you say?

Dean

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Dean,

How would you describe your chili?

Kami

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Kami,

I call it "Spicy Half-Mexican Chili".

Being half mexican, myself, I have a penchant for spicy foods.  I usually try to tone down the spiciness for an event like this, to accommodate the masses, many of whom are of Scandinavian descent and are physically unable to eat anything spicier than cinnamon toast.  However, I usually get carried away with the peppers and spices, and it turns out deliciously spicy anyway.

Because of this, you may want to post a warning sign when you turn in our submission.  Something like this:

Warning:  Spicy
You must be at least this Mexican to eat

Dean

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Dean,

Well, little did you know, at my last job, I did get 3rd prize for the "hot" category.

So, unsure if I am willing to provide a substitute and potentially risk my reputation.

I am 1/32 Spanish Gypsy, and therefore usually label my chili as "Spicy Half-Spanish Gypsy Chili".  It could propel me to being "most popular" in the IT group.

I'll need to really really think hard about this.  If I do go in on this with you, you cannot tell Tara.  It could risk our friendship.  I shouldn't get in the middle of your quarrels.

We would also need to devise a secret meeting space. 

Kami

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Kami,

I completely agree that you should take your time and consider this proposed "partnership" carefully.  A chili cook-off is serious business.

Your chili does sound intriguing.  Third place is very nice.  However, I'm talking about First Place.  Number 1!  The Championship!  Have you ever been a champion, Kami?  It feels great to be the best.  Also, if you are only 1/32 Spanish Gypsy, but you call your chili "Spicy Half-Spanish Gypsy Chili", you are playing a little loose with the numbers.  You could be opening yourself up to some kind of legal liability.

Don't worry about keeping this a secret from Tara.  I am GREAT at keeping secrets.  Although, it would be great if I could be there at the awards ceremony, when they are handing out the trophy, with all the confetti flying and the champaign spraying, to jump out and see the look on Tara's eyes when she realizes that it could have been her up on the podium.  But no, she had to stick with her chicken chili, which isn't really even chili at all, it's more of a soup - and as such, it was disqualified.

Proposed secret meeting place:  Burger Jones.

It's near Lake Calhoun, so it's about midway between our homes.  They also have great chili, by the way.  It's even better on their chili cheese fries (with lots of sour cream and jalapeno slices).  But, I would prefer to keep the chili on a strictly professional level during this process, so I'll go with a burger.

Dean

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