My Summer Vacation

I don’t know about you, but I think I had to write about that at least two or three times in elementary school. Joyous assignment. Let’s see, we have no money, so I basically did hmmm . . . oh, yeah; now I remember! NOTHING. That is, unless you consider sweating your butt off in a house and car with no a/c a spa experience. Clears the pores, ya’ know? Then there were the 700 mile trips to visit my grandparents in Tupelo, Mississippi in that same car. May have contributed to the knock-down drag-outs my sister and I had over territorial rights in the back seat. I know if you have siblings or kids, you’ve heard the “don’t cross that line” gig. My dad was a master at driving with one hand on the wheel and whackin’ on mostly me for some reason. Never took his eyes off the road. He’s a relatively short guy, but I swear he could hang that arm out the window, reach the trunk, and open it without leaving his seat. Being that he was usually stuck to it, I imagine he had practice.

Forty years later, has anything changed? Well, my dad is 74 and has lost most of his Stretch Armstrong powers. My girls are married and on their own. But my summers are just about as uneventful as ever. Gas is liquid gold, and the donkey I bought goes 0 to 5 in around 45 minutes. Doesn’t like it when I forget and try to ram that gas pump nozzle up his keester, either. I suppose that’s a good sign.

I did just get back from a road trip to buy stuff for the shops. Took about a grand and came home with $58.23. The good thing is that when you have two loads of stuff in one pick-up, tailgating is a non-issue.

I’m finally getting an asphalt driveway. Ours is about 200 yards long; lowest quote was 18 grand. It was starting to look like a scale model of the Grand Canyon. The Jehovah’s Witnesses actually stopped leaving their little fire-starters on my door. UPS would hang stuff I ordered from trees in plastic bags rather than risk losing oil pans and such. How many people do you know that check the trees for parcel delivery?

Moving on, a friend of my daughters is doing the job for cost. I can finally knock the dents from the roof of my cab where I’ve bounced up and given myself multiple concussions.

Haven’t had to mow the grass. Seems it doesn’t grow very well in a drought with 100 degree temperatures day after day after day . . . I guess I could bale it and feed the donkey. May make him forget the gas pump incident.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow to get my teeth cleaned and have a BABY tooth looked at that is over 50 years old. She wants to do an implant. One freakin’ tooth – 1.5 grand. I got a dime for the rest of 'em from the tooth fairy. I’m gonna lobby for a partial or a bridge. If that doesn’t work, I’ve found you can wedge a Chiclet in the space. . .

And finally, I had the honor of helping my wife pick out new furnishings for the living room. You know, that’s when they get ticked if you say you don’t care, and then after you reluctantly give your input, they go ahead and do what they want.

And that has been my summer.
The End

P.S. Teacher, I got this bow legged donkey with a bad temper illegally parked outside. . .