First Post

So these blog things seem to be popular. Here's one for ya.

Today I've been anxiously waiting for my 22-month old son to poo and i've been filling him with apple juice. Why you ask? My wife and I suspect that he's eaten my wedding ring. That's right. The symbol of our love and marriage could be rolling around in the digestive tract of our son, along with various things: chicken nuggets, cookies, and cheerios. I had taken it off to cut raw chicken and my wife let him play with it. She then went to the restroom and left the kid with me, at which point I was unaware that he still had the ring. I keep cutting the chicken and when she comes back the little guy no longer has the ring! So my day has consisted of squishing every poo-filled diaper to see if there is anything round and hard in it. Fun right?

But I'm covering all the bases here. I went through the garbage bag that was out when we lost the ring. Now of course this was the garbage that I dumped the fat from the chicken I was cutting. It's been left to stew in the bag for 2 days. Do you know what 2-day old raw chicken fat smells like? Remember that time you went to that festival in the middle of summer and you had to go to the bathroom but your only choice was one of those port-a-potty things? And of course it's 90 degrees outside and 100 degrees inside the port-a-potty and the guy who just came out of it had a bad gastronomic experience with some Mexican food he ate earlier in the day. Then you hold your breath and go into that 100 degree 3 x 3 x 6 foot space that has a small container of urine and feces that have been marinating all day in the heat and whatever liquid stuff that is they put in there. You hold your breath for as long as you can but you can't make it and you've got to breathe. That smell that enters your nostrils? That's what 2-day old raw chicken fat smells like. It smells like 100 degree sh**.

So after smelling what could have very well been 100 degree sh** for about 10 minutes I finally concluded that the ring was not in the garbage. One suspect down.

A science teacher at the school my wife teaches at says the ring should pass within 2 days of ingestion, which is today. If we don't see a poo-covered ring by then...well then it could really be anywhere. Our lease on this apartment is a year long. I'm sure we'll find it by then. In the meantime, I told my wife that she can't get mad at random women for hitting on me since I don't have a ring on. She wasn't bothered by that. But the look in her eye said "We both know you're not going to be hit on, please."