Mondays.

So. Mondays have a crap reputation.

I have to say it earned it last monday.

Started off when my daughter woke up feeling sick so we kept her home from daycare. I spend mornings with my 11 month old son while my wife sees patients and my daughter is normally in daycare. We then switch off where she picks up my daughter and then watches the two of them while I do the labwork and often do either tattoos or prep work until about 8:00PM then usually more labwork until anywhere until 9-12:00.

I first run over to my wifes office and check the lab to make sure everything was done for the day. I checked everything over and everything seemed ship shape. I didnt even notice the one case that had to be done for 10:30. I call it Mustard Blindness. When you stand in front of the fridge for 5 minutes looking for the mustard which is front and center. You can't friggin miss it, but you do. You often don't see it until your wife calls you an idiot and points it out to you.

So because of this oversight, my wife has to tell the man who came in to pick up his teeth (he traveled like 45 minutes to make this appointment BTW) that her husband/lab tech is a complete idiot who will not be getting any sex for a least 3 weeks.

I'm not sure thats what she actually said to him, but it was pretty clear to me in her later briefing.

So now home with the kids, Im watching both of them when my 11 month old TwistedJr bites me on the titty.

Right on the one with the piercing. I have a very large gauge ring in there and he proceeded to attack it like a Pit Bull on a french fry.

I had to pry the giggling little fiend off with the corner of an Etch-a-Sketch.

Later that morning I was talking to a client needing a memorial portrait of her two kids with their late father-in-law.

She sent me three pics of the kids to choose from. Apparently I chose two pictures of the same kid. They didn't look the same to me.

Start over. Gah.

Another woman comes unannounced to my door with an envelope of photographs. She pulls them out and asks if I can draw a picture of her old house the way it used to be before the renovations. She hands me a bunch of pictures of a house from several angles and distances. I assume it was the same house because in every photo it was 75% surrounded by trees. DENSE trees.

I said; "Um.. this is really just gonna be a picture of trees with one corner and part of a roof."

She said; "Can you just not draw the trees?"

Me ;"...................."

She said; "Like, can you not just use your imagination?"

I said; "Imagination? Sure. But I'm not sure if I'll put the gun turrets in the right place or not."

I was pretty much dumfounded.

I shouldve just handed her a piece of black Bristol board and said; "Here! Night at the Old House! Just use your fucking imagination!"

Dumbass.

Ive got a girl who wants a tattoo ASAP who keeps changing her design ideas on me. First she wants stars, then she wants fairies, then she wants script, then she wants to change the phrasing. I should just keep nodding and just tattoo "ASSHAT" on the back of her neck. She'd never know. I'm pretty sure shes too stupid to work a mirror.

Later that evening I head over to the lab to finish up some work. Thats when I discover that I need a specific kind of clasp for the case.

A kind of clasp I had apparently forgotten to order.

Between getting the other stuff done I tore through the place like a fat kid on a bunt cake looking for an extra clasp, anywhere. No such luck.

So I got home around 11:30 that night and had to tell my wife I screwed up again.

So it seems not only am I not getting sex for a good long while, shes even considering taking back all the sex shes ever given me.

Oh, almost forgot. My 11 month old also broke one of our best china dishes.

On mondays when it rains it not only pours, it breaks out in little arseholes and shits all over the place.

Anyway, heres a tattoo I did on our new lab tech. Yes the one who bit me (see earlier blog entry con. Cannibal Women and Ear Hair).

I also did a blue kanji below her hairline. Yup. That hairline.  

Oh, and her kids names are in the lower wings.