Been a while...

Between random bouts of mild depression and malaise, intermixed with a massive addiction to Gears of War, my blog has been severely neglected.  I thought I ought to let the good people who actually give a happy crap a bit of the Mass Da Ass news minute.

The wife, whom I adore with every fiber of my being, who I have bragged about being so tolerant with my gaming and my bs, is now quite obviously intolerant of my bs.  We have had quite a few heavy and hard conversations and I realized that the fact that she has put up with my bullshit has been a facade.  She has been taught to smile through all manners of adversity, courtesy of her beloved late mother.  It has made her one of the most giving and loving people I have ever met.  The one thing she has not learned is how to release all of that stored-up emotional content.  She is farfarfar from pent up, but is so concerned with hurting others it makes her a bit of an emtional sponge.  Well, her sponge has met its limit with me.  I, being an ignorant male knuckledragger, do not have the finely tuned emotional antenna that I require.  Time to upgrade!  She has lived with me and put up with all sorts of meanness from my drunken/stupid piehole and always forgiven me.  She is now counting coup on me for my iniquities.  She has tried to live by example, speaking kindly and acting in sorts but I was too stupid to realize that I was hurting her every time I raised my voice.  I have realized my mistakes and I am working very diligently to remedy my loud/foulmouthed tendencies and act with my own kindness.  I have realized that no matter how much someone loves you, if they feel disrespected, they will resent you. 

Talk about feeling stupid.

I remarried only after 4 years of co-habitation, with my dear Girly raising my son as her own.  She has been a beacon for me, a light with which to illuminate my path.  I married her not out of a sense of obligation, but a need to make sure she new how deep my commitment is.  I could have been doing this all along by being kinder and gentler in my bearing, to give my love to her freely instead of being a gruff, grumpy curmudgeon. 

I am rectifying this every minute of my day.  I realized that it was not only my wife that was suffering, but my coworkers, my son and my friends.  I found myself apologizing last night for shorting out about someone poaching a kill in GoW MP.  It's a fricking game, not the end of the world.  Sorry Oz, I'm an asshole. 

I'm letting all the crap go.  I'm breathing easier.  I'm smiling more.  My chest doesn't hurt.  My laugh is genuine.  My heart is light.

I'm finally starting to feel Christmas.  I love you, Sweetness.