Homework Blues

Being a Dad is a tough job.  Many of you know it, and have it much tougher than I do.  I've been pretty blessed for the most part, but these past few years of school have really tested my limits.  And my boy's limits as well.

I got custody of my son when he was 4 and a half.  He was very traumatized by the entire stuation he had been in with his birth mother and was very needy.  At that age he still had trouble getting to the bathroom on time, he couldn't handle social situations very well and was constantly sick  with the sniffles and colds.  His only entertainment for a very long time was the television.  He didn't have many books, he didn't have many toys and all of his clothes were either purchased by me on the rare occasions when he visited or were hand-me-downs.  He and his mother were living with her boyfriend's brother and he was made to be as absolutely quiet as possible for fear of eviction.  He was abused.  I can't prove the physical, but I damn sure can attest to mental.

When I was four and a half, I could read.  I could read well.  I did kindergarten in two weeks before they put me in first with other kids my age.  I was still the youngest in class, but I'm a summer kid.  They tried to put me in second when I showed my aptitude for learning.  They tried again in the fifth grade, but my mother did not want me to be subject to the social complications that would bring.  I loafed through HS and still made the Honor Roll when I wanted to.  Most of the time I just passed the tests and loafed some more.  he point I'm trying to make is not that I'm smarter than anyone, or that I'm better.  My point is that from a VERY early age, my mother had a book in my hand.  I learned to love to read and still do.  Before I was ever enrolled in school, I could read and understand more than most.  I got upset when I was told that the words in Sherlock Holmes were too big for me- I had a dictionary, right?  Gimme the dang book.  (I never did read them, though!)  My point is that if you give a child the right dang stimulus, it will thrive.  My kid had the TV.  I had Roald Dahl.

When I was in the fifth grade the teachers did not push like they do today.  Heck, my boy had homework in kindergarten!  I would have been prepared, my son was not; IS not.  He struggles every day.  I see the pain in his eyes when he is trying to understand what he is reading, I see the hurt look when he has to come ask for help.  It kills me, when I KNOW that there is some serious intelligence in him.  You give him a real-world situation or problem, he'll bang out a common sense (well, as much sommon sense as a 10 yo can muster) answer, and be pretty slose most of the time.  You write that same problem on a piece of paper, and he's lost.  He's demoralized and de-motivated by the trouble this brings and I can't seem to get him fired up to break through it.  He runs into a hurdle, he'll either sit there and zone out (a product of his neglect, the kid can go to Mars in his head), or he'll fidget and wind up getting into trouble.

One of his early teachers was the first with the 'medicatemedicatemedicate' mantra.  She was not fit to teach little ones- proven by the fact that she moved to the upper level grades the next year.  We looked into it and found that the FIRST thing advocated is Vision Therapy.  He went into the therapy and ended up completing it SEVEN weeks early.  He can see better than most of us, and now he can get it on paper when he wants.  The next step is....?

We has a few good years where he did pretty good, but the last two have been a sheer test of will for him.  And us.  He will downright refuse to do homework sometimes, he will take punishment and grounding over homework.  We are at the point that his lack of focus seems intentional. 

For the first time, we are considering medicating him.  We have tried changing diet, making sure the schedule is kept, that he has a quiet, well-lit place to do his work.  We have done everything that we have heard, read, or had an idea about.  Supplements, study tools, you name it.  I'm worried that using medication as a solution will cause him to be dependant as an adult.

I have all the arguments against it, and I am one of the most vocal when it comes to my own son.  But I'm at the end of my wits.  I guess I'm looking for permission or validation, or stories that will help me figure this out.  Anybody?