Things change too fast.

I wrote the last blog, not to punish myself, or to highlight my errors.  It was a statement of truth and the benchmark for my change.  I hurt her with my stories and my anger, but I felt that I needed to shine a bit of light onto the truth.  For her, yes.  But for me as well. 

I am not down on myself.  I am not crying into my pillow.  I recognize my faults and past sins and I am working very hard for change.  I will harness my fear.  I am One.  I will hold.  I feel that any change now is only for the better and my son will benefit most. 

I have stopped berating myself for my errors.  I am moving on to a new me.  I have decided that the only way forward is to let go of the past.  I want my relationship with her to work out, but we need some serious healing.

As well as all you kind people, she has told me not to stop writing.  She has said that she hadn't read my blog for a very long time and didn't even know about my post in January where I was seeing the error of my ways.  She likes hearing the funy stuff I write.  I love to tell stories that make people laugh.  I'll send those to her so she won't have to see the tirades.  But given a recent conversation, those may come fewer and farther between.  I won't stop writing.

OMR is right though- I'll try not to make myself sound like such a bad guy.  I ain't perfect, but like dear Dangle said, who is?

Sorry to give you all a kick in the teeth for breakfast.  Thank you for your kind words and support.  You r0x0rz.

Ain't nothin' to a G.