The 15 Most Annoying Gamers Encountered in Halo Online Multiplayer

After getting an Xbox 360 earlier this year, I have discovered that Halo 3 is my favorite game. And the best part of all is the online multiplayer. But playing online does come with its own set of headaches, mainly when it comes to the people. In no particular order, I present the most annoying players you will encounter while playing Halo:
 
1. The D.J. - You can identify the D.J. anytime you hear a mic droning on with some indescernable beat and garbled lyrics. This guy is grooving, baby. He derives great pleasure from listening to his music, and wants to spread that joy with others. Mainly by sticking his mic up against a speaker. Except this is more irritating than anything else, and promptly leads to him being muted. The D.J. remains oblivious to this throughout, never learning that no one likes him. Ever.
 
2. The Vigilante - He plays fast and plays hard, living life by his own rules! Actually, no. Here is the situation: You are playing a game of Slayer, minding your own business when all of a sudden, you accidentally betray a teammate. "My bad", you're thinking. You may even apologize. It was obviously an accident. But that doesn't matter to the Vigilante. His mission from that point on is to Hunt You Down. He will find you, he will come for you, and then he will exact his revenge. At best, he kills you once, eye for an eye. At worst, betraying you becomes his new game objective.
 
3. The Idiot - Here is the player that MIGHT know what he is doing. But if he does, he is hiding it well. Mainly because he is too busy running off the map, shooting you in the back, or pointing his battle rifle at the ground and jumping up and down like a pogo stick. Having an idiot on your team is worse than having a quitter, because he makes for an easy target for the enemy.
 
4. The Kid - You will know him by his voice. Ten years old, maybe? (If that?) He likes to brag about how good he is at the game, normally while getting slaughtered. After a while, his voice becomes too much, invoking the wrath of your teammates. Also, kids tend to come in pairs. One usually serve as mentor to another, younger kid sitting nearby (who is maybe eight). And he spend the whole time "teaching" the younger kid how to play the game. Or at least showing them how many different ways you can die. If you see the kid, RUN!
 
5. The Blamer - It's easy to know when you are playing with a Blamer, because suddenly, everything is your fault. If the enemy starts winning, it's your fault. ("Stop dying, kid!") If the blamer dies, it's your fault. ("You just watched him shoot me and didn't do anything!") If you kill an enemy, it's your fault. ("You stole my kill!") If you pick up a Sniper Rifle or Laser, your fault. ("You stole my Sniper!") Heck, even if you WIN, it's still your fault! ("You're a booster! I'm gonna report you to Xbox Live!") The Blamer is infuriating to play with, usually leading you to mute him before your blood pressure gets too high.
 
6. The Conversationalist - This person wants to talk. But not with you. Or anyone else on the team, for that matter. They are too busy chatting about so-and-so's girlfriend or what's coming up on the weekend, talking to their sister who is sitting next to them whle they play. It's distracting, and annoying.
 
7. The Douchebag (a.k.a. Betrayer) - Here is the guy you come to hate the most. For some reason, he thinks Team Killing is a sport. In fact, that's the name of the game, as far as he's concerned. He likes to shoot teammates in the back. He likes it a LOT. Usually some maniacal laughter accompanies this, as well as some unprovoked tea-bagging. He doesn't care about winning. To him, killing you is good enough. Boot him, if you can. At least you'll get to play the rest of the game in peace, even if you are outnumbered. But fair warning, for Douchebags often travel in groups. And when that happens, one of them will undoubtedly become...
 
8. The Bully - This is the guy who - for reasons unknown - has appointed himself leader of your team. Strangely enough, he becomes angry when you do not follow his orders. These are the ones who betray you for vetoing a map that they liked. Or throw a grenade your way if you happen to go for the enemy flag. ("I said not to touch that flag! We're just going to play Slayer!") This guy is a total jerk, so much that you even start feeling sorry for your opponents just because they have to play with him too. But hey, at least THEY get to shoot him!
 
9. The Racist - The rest are all annoying, but this one is actually disturbing. For some reason, the anonymity of the internet brings out the inner monster in some people. These are types who like to use the N-word all the time, and will even threaten to kill you if you happen to not be white. Or straight. Or whatever. These are the ones who like to use gamertags like "xXx White Pryde xXx", when they can get away with it. They are worse than douchebags. They are the scum of society, and they walk among us. Racism will never be truly dead until you no longer hear it while playing online.
 
10. The Drug Lord (Wannabe) - This one is trying hard to be perceived as "cool". And since Drugs = Bad, and Bad = Cool, this guy has done the math and come to the conclusion that Drugs = Cool. Therefore, he wants everyone to know that he does them, whether he actually does or not. How do you know when you've found one? Easy. Thou Shalt Know Him by His Gamertag. It will invariably say something like, "III Weed Lover 09 III", "xX_EyeLikeMarijuana_Xx", "Stoner007", or "BilzaBong". Nine times out of ten, you know these guys don't actually do drugs. Because you can't actually win in Halo if you are high. But that won't stop them from trying to convince you that they do.
 
11. The Girl - Add a cute name, pink armor, and what do you get? OMG, a real-live GIRL playing Halo!!! Nothing against girls, but this does get old. Why, you ask? Because of the annoying way that all the other guys on your team act. They flip out and act like they've never encountered a female before. (Which - come to think of it - may actually be the case for some of them!) They'll send so much time salivating over her that it becomes distracting. When one of your teammates starts asking if she plays topless, that's when you know its time to find a new party.
 
12. The New Account - Xbox Live is awesome. And Microsoft, of course, lets you buy as many gold accounts as you want. One of the irritating side effects of this though is the New Account. This is the guy who totally screws up matchmaking for the rest of us hard-working, honest folks. He's actually a level 40-something, or even a General. But he got tired of playing against people of his caliber. That challenge came to be too much of a chore. So he decided that the best way to deal with it was to start over so he could pwn a bunch of noobs. You know you are dealing with him when you start getting slaughtered and spawn-killed. I'm all for the free market, but something about this isn't right. (If you can hold your own against this guy, more power to you!)
 
13. The Booster (Pair) - You've started a match, and you smell a rat. Something just isn't right. One of the guys is a level 50, but has 0 EXP. Another is wandering around aimlessly, just trying to keep from falling off the map. You goal becomes to shoot the lousy guy before the good guy kills you first. That's right, you have encountered The Booster! (Patent Pending). Worse than playing against a Booster is getting solicited by one. ("Hey buddy, I'll get you a Level 50 for a 3-month Live card, whaddaya say?") There's something very dirty-sounding about that proposal, like a transaction taking place in the back of some dark alley. Stay away from the Booster, at all costs! Or risk the wrath of the Banhammer.
 
14. The Dad - We all have lives, but come on fella! This one has a wife or kid nagging / whining in the background. But rather than turn the game off and deal with the situation, he prefers to play on. Grunting or shouting something out every now and then. Look guy, go away! If I wanted to listen to someone's domestic squabbles, I'd be listening to Dr. Laura, not playing Halo. (Ditto for the racism.)
 
15. The Quitter - This is probably the most common type of player you will encounter playing Halo. And it may even be the most annoying. Some of them do it before the match even starts. Some play for a while before throwing their controller down and screaming "Screw this, I'm outta here!" But they all have one thing in common: they leave you high and dry. The worst part is not the individual quitter. It's the cascading effect that ensues. Often when one person quits, others join in. Until finally, it's only YOU vs. 4 or 5 others, with 20 minutes left on the clock. At that point you can either quit yourself, or face the inevitable defeat. Hey, at least you can take a few with you, and go out in style! Halo: Reach is supposed to solve this problem by invoking heavy matchmaking penalties and bans for those who quit. Let's hope it works.
 
 
And that are some of the most common player types you will encounter while playing Halo. It's the main reason why I now disable my voice chat for all matchmaking games. I used to mute them individually, but found that I simply couldn't keep up with the sheer number of jerks that are out there. I've heard that there are actually some nice, polite players out there, like me. But in the wild jungle that is Halo matchmaking, I have yet to encounter such creatures.