7 Annoying Trends in Modern Gaming

2. LOOONG Games – I appreciate getting my money's worth for a game, but the 40 to 80 hours that it takes to finish a lot of these games is ridiculous. Notice that I say "finish", as the word "beat" doesn't really apply to gaming anymore. The main thing is, I don't like playing games with 10 million unneeded cut scenes. There's a reason that film makers cut a lot of scenes from their stories, and its not just so the movie can get more plays in the theater. Too many cut scenes drag a game down. Metal Gear Solid 4 had over 9 hours of cut scenes. That's NINE FREAKIN' HOURS! Makes me glad I don't own a PS3. But to be fair, I'd probably complain if games these days were shorter. I just like to bitch.

3. Downloadable Content – I like the idea of content, where the concept is to expand upon games that are already well-worn, loved, and COMPLETE. What I do NOT like is how DLC is executed in practice. Where marketers take a game that is already finished, then chop 10% to 20% out of it, and release the incomplete version as the regular game. Then to get the "additional" content, you have to pay extra. What kind of crap is that?

4. Sex, but no Sex – Don't get me wrong, when it comes to boobs, I'm a big fan. (See other post below.) But what I don't like is how the use of breasts in games has reached idiocy of epic proportions. It's like game developers think that the only market for their games are horny 13-year-old boys. Well, I'm a horny 35-year-old man, but that's beside the point. (You're welcome, by the way, for me sharing.) I don't like extra jiggliness in games. It's distracting and annoying. I can't suspend disbelief and take the game seriously when that's all bouncing at me. But the weird thing is, as sexualized as female game characters generally are, there's really no sex allowed in games. That is – unlike in movies – sex is not portrayed in games. Everything else is. My only explanation for this is that marketers are still targeting kids, especially teens. If they make it sexual, but not too sexual, then parents probably won't complain. And as for the older gamers, who cares what they think anyway?

5. Nintendo Not Growing Up – Super Mario Galaxy and Metroid Prime aside, the lineup of Nintendo games these days is really shitty. I used to think it was because Nintendo had gotten worse, but I'm starting to think that it's something else. Nintendo hasn't changed – I have. And as an adult, a lot of the Mario and Zelda-style games that I used to love just aren't doing it for me anymore. How do I know? Because I can watch my 7 year old play. He loves it, and he tells me that "The Wii is better than Xbox 360." And to him, maybe that's true. I just wish that Nintendo would change. I wish they were HD. I wish they were online-friendly. I wish they didn't have such crappy Japanese games. I wish we had a Godfather-style game with Mario as the Don and Luigi as his henchmen. But alas, it appears that my dreams will never come true.

6. Guys Who Look Like Girls – For the longest time, I didn't know what to make of this new style. "Emo", I think it's called? Whatever it is, I don't like seeing "my" hero dressed up with long girlish hair, a bare hairless chest, and eyeliner, pink fingernails, or whatever it is passes for "cool" these days. I want my men to look like men, damn it! Manly men! Conan-style men! Arnold "I'm the fucking governor of California" style men! But instead, we get stuck with the "I may or may not be a tranny" look. Castlevania is pretty bad about this, what with all the androgynous Belmonts. Another bad offender was Valhalla Knights for the Wii. (Shudder) If you like your sexuality to be ambiguous, welcome to this new golden age of gaming, I guess.

7. No pinball machines anymore. I love pinball machines. The buzzing lights. The clack and whirr. The unfairness of a ball falling right between the bumpers. But all of that is gone now – relics of a dying era: the arcades. I've got fond memories of playing Terminator 3 at the mall. All the way up until I showed up one day, and there was no game anymore. Apparently I was the only one who played it.