How to influence friends and win people

Influencing friends is easy. First, you go have some life-enriching moments with them. You know, the kind that "stay in Vegas." Then, you drop hints about how you're worried the video from Pete's Pootang Palace might end up on the Internet. Indicate that the only thing that will ease your mind is if your friend <insert thing you want to influence>. Your friend is suddenly "under the influence!"

Example: You need your gutters cleaned out. You mention this to your friend. Your friend says, "That sucks. I hate cleaning gutters." You say, "Well, I'm worried because I was going to spend this afternoon placing that video of you, the goat and the four hookers in a safe place. Now I'm afraid your wife might find it while I'm out cleaning my gutters." Your friend says, "How about I clean out those gutters while you go secure that tape?"

It's a win-win situation, if you count your own win twice.

Now, this strategy tends to burn through friends pretty quickly, so you need to build up a large supply of them before going this route. The best way to do this is to give beer away. This ensures you get friends who like to drink. Drunk people do dumber stuff that looks better on camera. And, as you go through your friends, you'll find you have fewer Christmas cards to send each year!

Now, the absolute key to this strategy is to ALWAYS BE THE GUY HOLDING THE CAMERA. tait understands this well, and it explains why he hasn't had to wash his own car in almost five years.

As for winning people, I dunno. Try ebay.