The Next License

OK, my first blog where I proposed making people pass a test and get a license to do certain things in life elicited a comment that indicated my moral fiber was missing a few threads.  Fortunately, my ego is way too big to care about that, so here goes another blog, another topic, and another license suggestion.

I had really hoped to get out of the retail world for this next one, but I guess I'll just have to quit going into stores if I ever want to move onto another topic.  The next proposed license is called "License to Shop in Grown Up Stores Where Adults Act Like Adults."  This license is necessary because of a trip to Walmart and K-mart today.  Apparently, there is a fairly large group of "a-dolts" out there who believe all the rules of common sense, common decency, and common courtesy go out the window when they walk into a store.

Now, it may have something to do with how they were raised, but I sure don't remember seeing stuff like I saw today when I was a kid, so, since they were kids at roughly the same time I was, I'm willing to bet the majority of them know, deep down somewhere, that what they do is wrong.

And, oh man, is it wrong.  I needed some socks today, so, at Walmart, I went to the sock aisle.  Now, those of you who are married are no doubt surprised that I was able to immediately go to the sock aisle without needing to detour at all.  Before you begin to doubt my veracity, let me point out that my wife was not with me, so I was able to walk in and go directly to the item I was shopping for.  Anyway, as I near the sock aisle, I see a worker picking clothes up off the floor and hanging them on a rack.  I think to myself, "self, they really ought to keep those in the box until they hang them up instead of dumping them on the floor."  But, as I walked into the sock aisle, I saw what looked like a looted-out store.  Socks on the floor, packages of socks open and dumped on the floor.  And, in the middle of the aisle, a woman had her cart sitting on several of the socks, was standing on some others, and just picked out a pair of socks and left, rolling over several other pairs of socks that were on the floor.  It was then that it dawned on me that the worker had just been picking up stuff that people had thrown on the floor.  Now, clearly, it's not my job to pick up socks, and I wouldn't expect anyone not getting paid to pick them up if they hadn't dropped them, but I did make an effort to not step on any that were on the floor, and I even pick up several pairs and hung them back up.  That was when the worker from the other aisle came over and said thanks but that she would get them.  So I asked her if a bunch of kids had come in and tore the place up.  She said no, it's just Saturday.

So, to this worker, Saturday means people come in and trash the store.  I suppose I'm the naive one.  Maybe I just hadn't noticed it before.  But, my mom worked retail for 25 years, and I can still hear her yelling at me to put things back, not just on ANY rack, but on the RIGHT rack.

Later, I stop at K-mart because they had their lawn and garden stuff marked down pretty well and we needed some mulch to repair an area of our yard that had had an unfortunate encounter with my lawnmower (the mulch put up a good fight, but the lawnmower won handily).  This time, my wife was with me, so we went through pretty much the whole store on our way to buy mulch.  In the women's clothing area, I found my wife picking up clothes.  You regular readers know my wife is OCD, so messes like clothes on the floor MUST be fixed before she can move on.  I knew better than to suggest that she didn't really need to be doing that, so I waited for her to finish.  The only thing she said to me about it was that "people are pigs."  I could tell she meant it.

Only, people aren't pigs.  At least, they don't have to be.  Once we get the license bureau set up (The Balanced Life License Commission, or TBLL-C (Table C) -remember?), we'll allow stores to hang up "Licensed Shoppers Only" signs.  These will be great stores.  They'll be clean.  The paper towel dispensers in the restrooms will actually work and won't be ripped off the wall.  The self-serve lines will move fast (because remember, you'll need a separate license to use them).  The checkers will smile because they'll have a more pleasant working environment.  (OK, I know that one is a stretch - cut me some slack).

Now, if this is kids doing it, it is far more forgivable, although their parents should be making them clean it up.  But, it's not kids.  While in K-Mart, I saw a man picking out some work gloves.  He apparently wanted the pair 4 or 5 back on the peg, so he grabbed the first few pairs and...............dropped them on the floor.  He grabbed the pair he wanted and walked away.

License revoked.