Just some funnies

Wigman

Shared on Fri, 09/28/2007 - 14:55
#1
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed
to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that
"Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big
scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up,
that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather
Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to
raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,
"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
Tray-up, Bitch."

#2

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant,the third man was a Chemist,,,, and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,

"T-square, do your stuff."

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said,

"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,

"Measure, do your stuff."

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"

The Government Employee called his cat and said,

"CoffeeBreak, do your stuff."

CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, sh*t on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

AND THAT'S WHY I WANT TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT

Have a good weekend !!! Later

 

Comments

Wigman's picture
Submitted by Wigman on Mon, 10/01/2007 - 07:52
anytime! :-)
TANK's picture
Submitted by TANK on Fri, 09/28/2007 - 15:02
I was on southwest and they let their head flight attendant get a little jiggy with the usual boring pre-flight briefing. The guy that was doing it was cracking everyone up. When the flight was pulling onto the runway to take off he came on and said "Ok kiddies, please keep your arms and legs in the ride at all times and hold on tight, we've been cleared for blast-off". That struck my funny bone enough to remember it :)
wilderz's picture
Submitted by wilderz on Fri, 09/28/2007 - 15:12
Exellent jokes! thumbs up for that!
Bob's picture
Submitted by Bob on Fri, 09/28/2007 - 16:59
LOL...thanks wigman

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