Update.

I really need to find more time to type in here.

So much has happened since last I posted. My mother-in-law was on the way, and I found out I needed to have a hernia repair. Both events have passed and will elaborate about each of them here.

The mother-in-law visit was a little nutty. She was here for 3 weeks and left on 1/4/07. For the first week, she is pretty quiet and pleasant to be around. However after that, she gets a bit more comfortable and assertive. First a little back ground. My wife is 39, and the youngest in her family. That puts her mother at 73. She likes to criticize us on everything. From our purchases, to how my wife prepares dinner, to tv personalities that she can't stand (yet watches their shows anyways), and on and on and on. Also she likes to reorganize everything so I can never locate a damn thing. She decided that our Christmas Tree didn't look good enough, and went and bought more ornaments and totally re-did the whole tree. At night, my wife and I would lay in bed and count how many times she would open and close her bedroom door to go to the bathroom. It was something like this:

bedroom door: open, close

bathroom door: open, close

Water running for all of 5 seconds

bathroom door: open, close

bedroom door: open, close

rinse and repeat for 20 minutes.

I asked my wife what she could possibly be doing in there.

she said: "Maybe she is brushing her teeth"

I said: "What? One at a time"?

Furthermore, I suggested that she ought to have a sponser and collect some money for each bedroom to bathroom to bedroom circuit she completes. I told my wife I would look into contact info for Metamucile and Depends the next day.

At this point I start to feel bad for my wife as I can pretty much hide out in the bedroom and play on the 360. Sometimes my wife would come into the bedroom and burst into tears because she was so frustrated with her. So I figure I have to go on the offensive. This is accomplished easily by being passive aggressive....which just happens to be one of my strong points!

I started by placing magnets on applicable fixtures throughout the house. These magnets say things like "did you remember to brush your teeth"? Or "Did you turn off the stove"? I got these from a give away pack from an inservice we had at work about treating patients with alzheimer's. It probably wasn't very nice, but seeing my wife cry just puts me over the edge sometimes. ...

Next I started moving her glass of wine to another location in the house.

My bulldog Lola contributed by being a general nuissance to her and slobbering on her any chance she got. I think she got the hint and settled down a bit.

She did say my dog stunk badly and was about the ugliest thing she had ever seen. It gave me great pleasure to watch her sit on the couch plugging her nose...mind you my dog doesn't smell any different than any other dog. I usually bathe Lola once a week, but for this I let it go for a month.

Good times, good times.

Onto the hernia surgery.


I had a hernia repair on Jan 5th. This was a cluster fuck from the get-go. I was originally scheduled for a 10:30am procedure, and was told not to eat or drink anything after midnight and to show up at 8:30am. Okey dokey... I may be a little cranky from lack of caffeine but can deal with it. The night before the surgery, I get a call saying that my surgery has been pushed back until 12:30pm and not to show up until 10:30am. Still I'm like "ok that's cool'. It's not like I can't wait to get cut open anyways.... The day of the surgery I get a call saying I don't have to show up until 12:30pm because my surgery has now been pushed back to 2:30pm. At this point I get a little pissed because: A.) I haven't had any caffeine -I usually have a cup or two of coffee in the morning before work, and a Mtn Dew when I get there, and B.) I will have burned a vacation day if this surgery gets rescheduled. I'm told I'm still on for today, but the doctor has been pretty busy.

So, my parents take me down to the outpatient surgery center, (they agreed to sit with me for the first day so my wife wouldn't get docked a day's pay by having to drive me) and get me checked in. I'm lead down to a room with a few beds in it, change into a gown, get an IV started and wait for the surgeon to come by to mark the areas he is going to cut. As I'm waiting, a nurse's aide comes by to tell me she is going to shave me for preparation of the procedure. I told her: "Ok, just don't mess up my sideburns, I've been growing them out". I don't think she knew how to take that. I told her it was all good and I was just horsing around.

Finally at 3:30 my surgery is performed and I'm on my way home at 6:30 after an our or so of recovery time. Drugged to the nines, I make it up the stairs no problem and into bed. This is where the fun starts. With little in my stomach besides ginger ale and crackers for about 19 hours, I start getting nauseous. Having the experience of dry-heaving with a fresh polypropylene mesh sutured into your abdomen is not something I wish not to go through again. This occurred six times before my stomach started to feel better.

After that, it was Lortab city for a week, with Ibuprofen thrown into the mix to help with the 'slight' Scrotal pain and swelling. I know guys, it sucked just as bad as it sounds.

However, now it's been about four weeks since the procedure and I'm just about 100% back to normal..well as normal as I get.


Onto other news.

My bulldog Lola has entered her first heat. Lola was purchased from my wife's niece and nephew. They got their dog from a local breeder who has champion line dogs. We plan on breeding Lola, but we have to wait for the first couple of heats before we can. To keep her from spotting on the rug, we have this contraption she has to wear that is a vinyl thong kind of thing that keeps her from making a mess. She looks like an old washed up stripper. It is waayy too funny. Sometimes I let her walk around with a dollar tucked into one of the straps. I know, I need help.
We're hoping for a decent sized litter.  It will cost about one pup to pay for the c-section they need to have because the puppy's head and shoulders are too big to pass. Also, the stud owner will get a pick of the litter. The rest of the puppies will be 100% profit. We will probably end up keeping another female from the second litter she produces.

In April we will be moving down the road into a new luxury apartment complex. It's about a mile down the road from where we are currently so the move won't be too bad. We've been in this apartment for 6 years or so. They are old (built around the 70's) and as such, aren't very energy efficient. The appliances are that nice 70's Harvest Gold color, and don't really work all that great. The only thing I will miss about this place is the fact that we sit right on a big river and the sunsets at night are incredible.

The new place will have ceramic tile throughout the apartment except the two bedrooms, all new appliances, as well as a full size washer and dryer. That's right, no more steel cage matches to get a washer and dryer in the community laundry room. The pool area has a WiFi hot zone so I can chill out there with my laptop. The complex has electronic gate entry which is great compared to the 70 year old men we have here at our guardhouse. There will be 20 buildings when the complex is done, and will include a sports center with a basketball court, volley ball, court and a tennis court. Rent will be a bit more, but will be well worth the money.

I think that's about it. If not, the rest will have to wait as I'm sick of typing. Later guys!