FreeRadikal's blog

It’s going to be hotter here on Thursday than Satan’s armpit, I understand that it gets hotter in other parts of the country but we get a lot of super cold weather. I just don’t think it is fair to get both. I would think though that the hottest place is in Satan’s butt and that’s the last place I want to be. Thank goodness I don’t live there.

Death by asphalt or death by ass fault? Either way I believe it would be impacted.

Vincent was pretty sure that he was the first sentient pop tart, but who can be really sure of sentient beings anyways. I mean the definition is so subjective half the time scientists prove your purple velour couch is thinking about why you sit on it so much and the other half scientists prove your Cousin Barry is just another plush leather backed chair at the country club…scotch and soda please.

It’s the trifecta of self-imposed apocalypses today. I was diligent this morning until I trusted my ass too much; there goes another pair of underwear along with an unscheduled trip home. I don’t go commando at work. I decided against better judgment to perform minor surgery on myself to eliminate a skin tag on my neck and missed, I think I got 50%. Then my wife tells me that’s one way to get a staph infection, I swear I sterilized everything. There was a lot of blood though…well not really. Now I am at work and I take the band aid off and my skin is reacting badly to the adhesive.

Hot concrete, I just need to lay it out on the hot concrete man! Push that chalk around, kneel down and kiss my worries away to Satan, master concrete heater. Where are you in January when I need your special flaming powers?

1 cup synthetic eye of tiger, it’s all cod to me

½ teaspoon Horseradish

A dash of Sriracha

1 can Tomato Juice

12 years of intense Kung Fu training Eye of the Tiger Style

3 broken ribs…your ribs or your opponent’s

5 of your teeth

And a slight case of dysentery

I say you say we all say nuke ‘em into glass, it’s like a Mad Scientist who uses the Mohave Desert to create the world’s largest glass bowl.

I was sitting in a restaurant this weekend and as I saw three generations of a family pour in, I thought that this must be the tidal wave of the gene pool. I stood up and ran out so as not to get caught in its destructive path. I looked over my shoulder and like army ants young and old were clamoring over each other to scramble into seats at the banquet table in a writhing mass of flesh that would rival rioting protestors at a WTO conference.

Don’t ever confuse Peggle with Pegging.

Like Scott Walker, I elected to eat and eat and drink and drink and put many many pounds of fat on my body. I tried over the years to RECALL why I did so, but alas I am still fat so the RECALL failed.

Today Culver’s told me: “Peanut Butter Cup, try our delicious flavors.” I’m glad they have a pet name for me.

I want Skeletor to feel the power of Home Depot.

First of I just realized that my socks are just along for the ride! Ride socks of destruction ride!!!

Oatmeal in my pants...Oatmeal in my Pants...OATMEAL IN MY PANTS!!!!

Do you feel guilty about rating a movie 2 stars in Netflix? I don't really want to hurt anyone's feelings. Facebook TMI...I can't handle it too much to sift through it's like trying to drink from the firehose.