It's another weak week of new releases. Read on to see if there is anything you can add to your pile of shame.
Multiplatform
Turbo: Super Stunt Squad
Remember the character in The Neverending Story who rode a “Racing Snail”? He jumps on it and everybody’s like “Snails be slow as shit!”, but then it takes off at like a thousand miles an hour and everybody was like “Damn! That snail be fast as shit!”. Well, apparently DreamWorks made a movie with snails and other small bugs and mollusks racing each other, and (like all kids’ movies) a game tie-in is being released on every conceivable console.
Dynasty Warriors 8
Hey! You, there! Yeah, you! Do you like repetitive stress disorder? Does your thumb have a callus the size of a grape on it from constantly hammering away on the “Strong Attack” button? Do you like massacring thousands of nameless Chinese soldiers for no better reason than that they were in your way? Then Tecmo Koei has the game for you! In fact, they have the exact same game that you’ve played for the last decade, but with slightly prettier graphics. Here comes Dynasty Warriors 8: The Same Old Shit! (subtitle subject to change).
Nintendo 3DS
Shin Megami Tensei IV
The Persona spin off (Or is it the other way around? These are two seriously convoluted series.) continues on the 3DS. Get ready for more incomprehensible plot twists and weird fight sequences that still somehow tell a riveting story. Plus, as it’s a JRPG, someone will have amnesia. It’s a rule. Plus, it’s on the 3DS, so.....free headaches! Bonus!
PS3
Time And Eternity
American PS3 owners finally, finally get the chance to play the game that has a Metacritic rating of 37%. There’s a wedding, assassins show up and somebody has a “dark alter ego”. More generic JRPG goodness from Namco Bandai.
Xbox 360
The Serious Sam Collection
Four downloadable Serious Sam adventures are presented here in one package, along with all their available DLC. You get both volumes of Serious Sam HD, Serious Sam 3: BFE (with the Jewel Of The Nile DLC) and Serious Sam Double D XXL. All four games have added Achievement support, so your friends can see just how many headless, bomb-carrying, screaming guys you’ve killed.
