It is embarrassing how much time I devoted to Star Wars. I have numerous shelves on my bookcase devoted to books from the expanded universe. I watched all the movies (Yes. ALL of them.) many times. I can spout off quotes from the series better than I can remember what I did yesterday. It’s truly surprising I actually found a woman to marry me. I share this so you’ll know that, when it comes to George Lucas’s brainchild, I’ve paid my dues.
I became enthralled with the universe when I was first exposed to it as a kid. The characters and story stuck with me throughout the years and, even as I grew older, the child that sat transfixed as heroes like Luke Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi dueled Darth Vader lived on. The snap-hiss and hum of a lightsaber as they clashed made my imagination fly with the fantasy of one day having one of my own and traveling the galaxy defending the weak. Well, I’m 38 now and that dream has died. I mean, we don’t even have jetpacks or flying cars yet so I figure lightsabers are at least fifty years away.
LucasArts, in an attempt to cash in on fans like me, in association with Microsoft Studios and Terminal Reality, on April 3rd released Kinect Star Wars on the Xbox 360 and fanboys of the series wondered if this would finally give us the taste of that universe we’ve all been waiting for. The question must be asked, however, do they deliver?
I’ve Got a Bad Feeling About This
Kinect Star Wars begins by sending your character into the Jedi Archives with C-3PO and R2-D2 in order to study the jedi histories. This serves as your menu system for accessing the five different gameplay modes in the game. In an effort to give the most comprehensive review possible, I will break down and discuss each of these modes separately. A certain unnamed podcast led by one man with an ego larger than the known universe and another, who is making the descent in alcoholism seem like a profession, spoke on this game and leveled the accusation that Kinect Star Wars was nothing more than a series of carnival games wrapped up in a pretty Star Wars bow. While they may not be exactly right, they aren’t all that wrong either.
I Find Your Lack Of Faith Disturbing
The Campaign: Dark Side Rising
Dark Side Rising takes place immediately following The Phantom Menace. The Jedi Council has stepped up efforts at training a new generation of Jedi Knights after Obi-Wan’s encounter with Darth Maul provided proof of a new Sith threat. You step into the role of a mute Jedi Padawan on their way to a Jedi training facility on Kashyyyk but, as it always seems to happen, things go south quickly when the planet is attacked by enemy forces.
As you fight your way through campaign, you alternate between lightsaber and space combat as well as brief speederbike levels. Overall, I found these levels to be quite enjoyable in small doses. Using powers such as Force Push or Force Grab to hurl enemies off ledges were instinctive to someone that has watched the movies because the movements came easily and being allowed to utilize kicks, headbutts, and the like while dueling improved combat. Unfortunately, choices by the developers took away from the emersion. More on that later. Controlling the speederbikes was likewise very intuitive as you controlled the vehicle just like you would expect after watching the famous scene in Return of the Jedi and the space combat, while basically a rail shooter, was a fun experience in and of itself.
All this being said, while I enjoyed the experience overall, it wasn’t all sunshine and roses. The campaign is extremely short. My son and I (The game features drop in/drop out co-op.) were able to burn through it in roughly three hours but, being a Kinect game that tricks you into getting off the couch and doing cardio, that may be a blessing. At the end of the experience, both of us were sweating and looking for water as we had dueled, kicked, jumped, and flipped our way through uncounted foes.
In addition, both of us encountered moments of aggravation when, no matter how much we jumped or swung our arms like drunken monkeys, our characters just didn’t want to respond. For example, in order to perform a Force Dash, you simply bend over at the waist and your character would quickly fly forward to close the gaps on enemies. Sometimes, we would do this and would see an instant response in the game. At other times, we would try it and all our character would do is hunch over like a man suffering from severe constipation. Additionally, in a move similar to The Force Unleashed, you will quickly and frequently encounter enemies that are able to shrug off your Force attacks. In fact, the vast majority of enemies can’t be directly affected by the Force and I found this deeply frustrating. It nerfed the Jedi experience and reduced combat to nothing more than a simple hack and slash adventure.
It's The Ship That Made The Kessel Run In Less Than Twelve Parsecs
Racing: Podracer Challenge
I am a dedicated hater of all racing games. I don’t play favorites and I don’t try to be understanding about it. Racing games have no redeeming value. There I said it. You may love the genre and think it’s the best thing to happen to gaming since the Power Glove. You’re wrong. They suck. Podracing, though, does not.
I was surprised by how much I enjoyed the Podracing portion of Kinect Star Wars. Like the speederbikes in the campaign, the controls are exactly like what you would expect had you actually found yourself in a podracer. Hold your hands in front of you to simulate the controls. Lean to turn. Pull back to slow down or lean over to speed up. While the graphics in the entire game are nothing spectacular, the experience was fun and my son and I thoroughly enjoyed racing through the canyons of Tatooine.
If You Strike Me Down, I Shall Become More Powerful Than You Could Possibly Imagine
Fighting: Duels of Fate
Remember what I said about racing games? I share the same hatred for fighting games. Trying to work my way through a battle in Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat drove me insane since I always felt like I was born with significantly less than the thirty fingers required to pull off the simplest of moves. Fighting games suck. Get over it.
Where Podracing was a pleasant surprise, Duels of Fate was not. This mode isn’t unlocked until you fight your first duel in the campaign and feels like the whole thing should have been forgotten. It is composed of completing only five duels against increasingly difficult foes culminating in a fight with...you guessed it...Darth Vader. Now, fighting the Dark Humidifier of Doom may have been an extremely cool experience but I didn’t make it that far. I have one word for this mode...filler.
Let The Wookiee Win
Wanton Destruction: Rancor Rampage
In Rancor Rampage, you take on the third person role of an escaped Rancor with hemorrhoids as you charge through city streets demolishing buildings, eating random people, and generally being more unpleasant than Bill Maher at a Tea Party rally. There’s really not much I can say about this. You swing your arms to break stuff, jump up and down to squash people, and try to do it as fast as possible to rank up. To be honest, like Duels of Fate, this felt like unnecessary filler. I would rather have seen the developers devote the time they spent here to beefing up the campaign. This is a game mode you’ll venture into once or twice out of curiosity but it won’t hold your attention.
Your Mind Powers Will Not Work On Me, Boy
Dancing: Galactic Dance-Off
What Star Wars game would be complete without dancing? If you’re like me, when you look back on the series, you don’t imagine Luke’s shock when Vader answers that fateful question, “Who’s your Daddy?” You don’t think about that moment when Han came riding in at the last moment to save the day so Luke could fire his proton torpedoes on the Death Star. No. A true Star Wars fan recalls with fondness that scene when Greedo challenged Han to a breakdancing competition or when Lando did the lambada with Darth Vader in order to save Bespin from the Empire. Star Wars was truly an innovator in the world of the DANCE.
If you agree with any of that, I urge you to do us all a favor. Close your laptop, grasp it firmly in both hands, and slam it into your forehead as hard as you can.
I really don’t have the words for this. What would possess the developers to think gamers wanted this? What kind of feedback are they reading where people are begging for the opportunity to experience first hand the heart wrenching tale of Twilek slave dancer number four in Jabba’s palace?
Sigh.
The dancing is a cheap attempt to clamp onto the current wave of dancing games. What Dance Central does, Galactic Dance-Off does worse. Don’t bother. I’m not going to say anything else about it. I refuse.
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SMELL!!!
In closing, Kinect Star Wars is a decent experience that every hardcore fan of the series needs to try. While the game had its issues, I still caught myself smiling in childlike glee the first time I used my left hand to mimic Force grabbing a droid and slam it into his friends. While enjoyable, the game was still aggravating. To be fair, I can’t honestly say if that was due to game design or iffy Kinect functionality but aggravation is never something you want in a video game. The game would have been better served if the developers would have focused more on providing us with a fully fleshed out campaign experience centered around a well-written story rather than wasting it on gimicky filler like Galactic Dance-Off and Rancor Rampage.
As much as this self-professed Star Wars geek would like to give this five lightsabers fully extended, I just can’t do that to you. While not worth the full purchase price, Kinect Star Wars is at least worth a rental or, at best, a price drop, just so you can temporarily satisfy the inner child that always wanted to be a Jedi.
About the Author
Joey “RogueRedneck” Parker is a born and bred Southern boy hailing from Tennessee. When he’s not spending time with his family, serving in his church, or being drug away to other real world concerns, he can be found either on his 360 or wielding his Overlord powers in a futile attempt to regulate the dysfunctional members of 2old2pwn. Joey likes to play a variety of genres but possesses a completely rational hatred for all racing and fighting games. Although he’s not addicted to achievements (Really, he can quit whenever he wants), he is ever on the hunt for that next elusive bleep bloop.
