Day 5

What day is it? It's all blurring into one at the moment. I can hardly gather my thoughts. Cameron went back to crche today but I staayed home. I needed some time. I've come down with the bug he had or has adn it's not the best. I've had worse right enough and I* don't want to blow it out of proportion but I suppose between work and single parenting and now sickness I'm just worn down a little. I veg'ed out for the morning in front of the TVbut strangly I couldn't relax. I had this nagging sensation that I had to be up and tidying the house, washing the dishes, washing clothes. It never used to be like this. I could sofa surf quite happily for hours in the past. This parentling malarky has left me a changed man. My afternoon was busy doing the afore mentioned tasks. i didn't tidy the toys away since they'd only come out again later. Hell, I heven hoovered the inside of my car. WTF??? I had thought of doing this for about a year, no joke. About a year of thingking, "I could really do with cleaning this car" and now I finally did it? OK, who am I and what did you do with the real me? Cameron was great in the evening, played with his toys, went for a long walk and watched the football players in the park again. then he went to sleeep bang on cue. he woke a couple of time in the night and won't stay in his cot. My  throat was killing me and I needed sleep so I moved him back into my bed. He woke up for good at 5am but I couldn't get up so he tossed and turned and griped for a good hour or so, dozing in between. I'm a bit of a zombie today......I think I saw a guy with a camera run by just then???

My philosophy on life - for no particular reason, just thought I'd share.

1) What's for you won't go by you. - An old saying at home and also in these parts. Essentially means if it's meant to be then just accept it and get on with it. If you missed out then something better or more suitable will come along.

2) Everything happens for a reason. - Our lives are not pre-determined. We have freedom of choice but sometimes certain choices have to be made. Our lives have check points that must be reached but we are free to reach them any way we want, like a good RPG. We might not realise why it happened or what imapct it has, the choice or event might good or bad, might be for my benefit or might actually be for someone elses benefit but I do believe that there is a reason for the event even if we cannot see that reason or it's impact. It might only have an impact a number of years from now or we never know what the reason was but it's all part of the puzzle.

There are people in the forums with problems, or their friends or their relatives have problems. There are people without jobs or might lose their jobs. I only suggest my philosophy as a method of coping if you need to cope, perhaps to add perspective or approach problems from a diffeent angle. What is happening today or tomorrow, is only a moment in time. I know, I've been through certain things. What about 20 years from now? It will be a memory. What happens now might have resonance in the future, it might have repercssions in the furture but the horror, the stress, the vibrant emotion of the moment will be a distant memory even a week or a month after the resolution.

I don't worry about the future. I plan contingencies, I extrapolate possibilities, I try to have safegurds but I don't worry about what might be. I deal with what is. I worry about what is happening now and that I can actually put my hands on. I'll deal with the future when it happens.

I wonder if this makes sense or even if I've said it the way I want to. Perhaps tomorrow with a clearer head I'll be more coherant. I'm rambling so I'll stop.