Stupid Gym.

I recently went to Las Vegas on a business trip. Three days of work and SERIOUS play. Don't get me wrong, I was a well behaved married man, but my partner and I had a great time. Not much sleep, but a crapload of fun. Hard Rock Casino, Tropicana Poker Room, and the GhostBar at the Palms. Un-fricking-believable, I was one of the pretty people on the 55th floor of the Palms, looking out towards the Strip, with the wind whistling across the top of my bald dome. The new tower isn't open yet, but Hugh Hefner's suite was open and there were women swimming in the pool. The pool goes to the edge of the damn patio! I was within eyeball distance of the Hef and his Playmates, it was absolutely awesome.

We got out of bed when the hotel desk called on Saturday morning to get the hell out, and started our butts home.  I made it from the Tropicana to my office in 3 hours and 45 minutes, a personal record.  I went and watched some of my boys play football, had some dinner and finally got to bed around 11pm. 

When I got up on Sunday, I could swear someone had ripped out my lungs and stomped all the little squishy-oxygen-loving-goodness out of them.  I felt like recycled dog shit.  It was the first time in a year when I have been 'Ma, I don't wanna go to school' sick.  Man, it was terrible.  It took me the better part of a week to feel go enough to go back to the gym.  I haven't been going very long, but I was confident I hadn't lost many steps.  I thought I could hit it like I had never missed a beat.  I'm a former Marine, I'm tough, I used to lift twice my body weight and I could run three miles in just under 18 minutes.  I can take a little workout after being puny.

WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!

I'm headed to the shower after I get home, and I can't get my shirt over my head!  Total fucking muscular failure.  My wife is laughing hysterically and offering no help.  I finally got myself extricated and began the arduous process of washing my stinky self back to shiny good-smellingness.  I won't regale you with how I managed to dry my back, but think of a bear with an itch.  My wife is still laughing.

Stupid Gym.