Depression

For awhile now I've been on my blog bitching and moaning about something.Then all of the sudden turn it into something funny and upbeat.Well to tell the truth I recently found out I have been suffering from depression.Somedays I'm calm and a good person to be around then somedays I'm a real ASSHOLE!

Well over the last few weeks or so I have been lashing out towards other people, telling them that they were out to get me and backstabbing me.I was highly convinced that if I died tomorrow noone would miss me.Not even my own family would miss me.My wife and I fought back and forth all day Friday and Saturday about my attitude problem to the point to where she kicked me out the house.I slept in my Durango pissed off at the world and was wondering why everyone hated me so much that I have to sleep in a vehicle.The next day I woke up and felt fine, like nothing happend at all.I asked my wife if she would goto the doctors office with me to make sure I get the help I need.

So for awhile I thought I would entertain those that interested about depression and how it affects a person at home and physically.Here we go...........


I started my medication today at 5:05 a.m., I didn't really feel any different an hour after I took it just started noticeing things were not as bleak as they usually seem to me.In the past when I would arrive at work the night sky and the outside lights were the only thing to greet me.It felt like the loading docks that were usually dark and foreboding were, somehow different.The outside lights seemed brighter, the cool night air seemed crisper, and I felt comfortable.I walk in the plant entrance and see one of the 3rd shift press operators waiting on like usual to give me shit about something.He didn't say a damn thing to me, he just sat on his little stool and left me alone.I found that odd and went on about heading towards the microwave in the production area due to the fact we still don't have our break room back from the fire last year.I noticed how bright the lights seemed to be in production also, they to in the past seemed dark and gloomy to me.But I still felt like I normally do when I wake up groggy and a foul mood, but not quite as bad.I went to the back and admired the warehouse that is about 90% complete.Normally when I go to the warehouse I think to myself what a shit hole this place is since the fire.But that thought was the furtherest thing on my mind.I admired how good it looked.I HATE WORKING IN THE WAREHOUSE!!!!!!!!!!

That is not a normal thought for me.Then It dawn on me, the damn medication is kicking in........YEAH!!!!!!

I stayed in a good mood all day long, nothing could bring me down.I laughed for the first time in months about something I had done wrong, instead of throwing something at the wall or punching something.I didn't get stressed out when someone asked me a question about something, or asked for a favor even though I don't have time to do it.I felt calm and did it and felt like I had all the time in the world.I was loveing it, till they started to wear off.

Oh god did I  ever crash back into realality, I made a delivery to a cutomer clear on the otherside of town and was getting ready to go home when I get a phone call saying I delivered the wrong stuff.I looked at my list of deliveries and asked what did I give them, they told me the form number and thats when I realized I had what I had done.I start getting pissed at myself and at the world and at these idoits on the phone telling me I delivered the wrong stuff and at the person who wrote up the ticket correctly and I just missed read it.So grab the rework paper work and grab the right job throw it into my personal vehicle and drive all the way back across town unload the stuff.Then someone at the place of delivery greets me and proceeds to talk nice to me.Ok I start calming down don't feel as tense, then the idoit starts to insult me for bringing the wrong stuff in the first place.It took everything in my body to keep from tearing his head off and shiting down his neck.I get back into my vehicle and drive like a madman to the plant and unload the product that I just picked up from the customer and went home.

I popped in my Halo 2 soundtrack cd and turned it up on the drive home hopeing everyone liked it because I didn't give a rats ass!