Nursing Humor

You Might Be A Nurse If.....

You avoid unhealthy looking people in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.

It doesn't bother you to eat a candy bar with one hand while performing digital stimulation on your patient with the other hand.

You've had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring and twelve earrings say, "I'm afraid of shots."

You've ever bet on someone's acohol level.

You plan your next meal while performing gastric lavage.

You believe every waiting room should have a Valium salt lick.

You have your weekends off planned a year in advance.

You have ever had a patient control his seizures when offered food.

You know it's a full moon without having to look at the sky.

Viagra Product Line

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer, the manufacturer, is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society...

LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs.  Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury, and Presidential Strength versions.

DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle.  Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two days.  Still to be determined:  whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people.  Note:  Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."