f, n, d, d/f, rp

there was a very distinct preconceived expectancy surrounding the event that was to take place this past friday night. being prepared to step into a venerable set-to of magnificent proportions....into a demonstration of warrior skill for which making the trek into the depths of central florida's mall infested swampland was worthwhile, i was more than slightly disappointed to find myself walking into, instead, a horrific reminder that my long time favorite gaming genre is in a sad and sorry state. it was several years ago that i last entered an iron fist tournament. not since the official namco tekken tag regional in orlando had i thrown down on any grand scale. so when i first heard rumor of a tekken 5 tournament happening just a short jaunt down i-75, my 60-frame-per-second-blood lust for battle found renewed ardency. training began immediately. hour upon hour of sleepless late night sessions teaching myself new combos and juggles and doing them over and over until i no longer had to think about the button sequence being input....only which of heihachi's side throws i was going to end each match with. i was ready. i've never played better. and with cory on board fully equipped with his newly lethal feng wei and anniversary edition street fighter arcade stick, the anticipation for real battle was paramount....

then we arrived.

walking into a pc dork-den with the sort of lighting fit only for your dirt cousin's velvet iron maiden poster from eighth grade, the question was posed - "is there some tekken going on here?" with a less than gracious acknowledgement the pork behind the counter lazily wafted a meat hook toward the corner of the room and said, "thatsthaguyovertheredoonit"....

sitting in the corner of this place were two large televisions. in front of these two televisions there were two goodwill once-was-a-woman-in-minnesota's style chairs and a matching couch. from the furniture there oozed a vapid substance that would likely be recognized by most as goth kids. (uch...tampa) at the far end of edna's couch sat a pile of the dark goop wearing a korn hat. and that was him...saint angr. (that's right, no e in it.) "funny, he looks a lot different on the zaibatsu forums", i thought. a quick introduction and handshake later he was back on his...gamecube controller playing.... . . smash brothers. this is the place for the tekken tournament right? we are ten minutes late for it's start time right?? ohhh this was the place. that was the host. but even though there was another big screen tv lying dormant to the immediate right of mario and pikachu valiantly trying to avoid jigglypuffs dreaded sleep attack....there was no tekken. then another terrible realization: there was nobody there. at least nobody interested and this supposed tournament. to quote cory, who has just the sort of tact needed for a situation like this, "what the fuck is this shit?"

now, i could go on about all the details of the following hour or so that led to our final decision to dip. like the bunk second player controller port on the only PS2 there. and the long haired last-shirt-on-the-rack-at-ross wearing creep sporting the no button buttoned look. but the only detail that matters is that out of the six or seven people that eventually showed up for this thing (many more were "confirmed" to attend) there wasn't an ounce of game worth mentioning among them. save greasy kid frankie's kazuya. which was still not all that impressive.

anyway, it was lame. we left. and tampa's fighting game community is worse off than i imagined. hopefully november in orlando will prove a bit more rewarding. or it will all be left on me. and none of you will be safe.