Speed up or slow down?

Two words to strike fear into the hearts of any white-collar warrior in corporate America: leadership training. And that’s exactly where I’ve been stuck 7:00 to 3:00 for the past four days. Tomorrow? It’s done. Fin. Finite. Sayonara, fother-muckers.

For those of you that haven’t had the pleasure, being in this type of seminar is kind of like being in a Turkish prison with less anal rape, but more overall suffering in general. The hours contain all sorts of touchy-feely type exercises that make me want to vigorously wash my hands, punch somebody in the throat, and then wash my hands again. I’m fairly sure the people who put on these types of things get paid by the slogan, most of which involve change, courage, the courage to change, and the Serenity Prayer. Jesus has been mentioned as a great leader...probably better put that in caps...Great Leader in no less than four different discussions and by no less than four people. Evidently leaders get killer retirement benefits.

So I let my mind wander to the ethereal planes...drifting and wafting with the fantasy of finding a job in which it’s not advised to leave your senses of worth and personal dignity at the door. This sucks so much for me in as much as I am in love with the rest of my life. The perfect wife, good friends, loving family, ample if not excessive material trappings, and a fully stocked liquor cabinet. During these times of emotional jujitsu, I’m reminded of a passage from Haunted, a Chuck Palahniuk book:

“If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character...would you slow down? Or speed up? If every life is just a basketball game or a play that begins and ends while the players go on to new games, new productions...in the face of that fact, how would you live?

That one always gives me the chills. What would you do?