If you are driving a car when I'm driving....

then you are an ass.

Others have lambasted the driving abilities, or non-abilities, of various motorists they encounter while cruising on our highways. From the short, blue-haired old lady who has been trying to make a left turn since the Carter administration to the overly cautious driver who slows his car to walking speed when driving on 1/2" of snow, it seems there is is no end to the number people on the road put there to just irritate the hell out of you. But there is a phenomena that gets little if no print or media attention...

People who have halogen headlightsand/or people whose lights are not aimed correctly.

These halogen people drive me insane. You know the type. They drive expensive Lexuses (Lexi?), or Beamers. You know they are coming behind you just from the glow in your rearview, even when four cars seperate you from them. At first you're thinking, "Who the fuck has their bright lights on?" Then you realise it is just some guy who likes to gig frogs from the sunroof of his '05 'Benz. I say gig frogs, because who the fuck needs that much light from a headlight? Or is he the mobile booklight for your backseat passenger? She must need the light to see how to untie herself.

It is bad enough as it is that I am near-sighted and have poor night-vision. What I don't need is the KISS laser light show blinding me in my rear-view. "Flip the switch on your mirror", you say. Tried it. All it does is leave me blind when trying to pass old blue-hair, forcing me to turn into the searing bright light to anticipate when some jackass is going to rear-end me.

These lights wouldn't be half bad if people who had halogens would just have their headlights adjusted...none of the headlights would be half as bad if EVERYONE had their headlights adjusted. This goes for you Mr. SUV and Mr. Pickup-truck driver. Your cars are elevated, so your headlights shine right into my Subaru. If you just pointed them at the road, you know, the thing you're actually supposed to see in the dark, as opposed to my retina, I wouldn't be having this problem.

So get your lights adjusted, please. If you don't I will be forced to give you some not very nice gestures. I usually give them anyways, because it is a given you're a horrible driver, but if your lights were aimed correctly, you'd have no clue and we'd all be happy.