Just checking in at CNN.com

Suspect confesses to killing, dismembering wife
When he criticized her cooking, she’d just go to pieces.

Computer giants boost e-waste programs
Something must be done about computer poop!

Obesity surgery triples among U.S. teens
2fat2play? Put the cookie down, you tubby pile of goo!

Thai government seizes TV station
I guess Thai Idol is officially in limbo.

Women forced to be sex slaves get no apology
Unforgivable gap revealed in Hallmark product portfolio where the "I'm sorry I enslaved you into sexual servitude" cards should be.

Report: Bird flu from south China
Would you like yours served Hunan or Mandarin style? Either way, whenever I catch Chinese bird flu, I find myself wanting another communicable disease an hour later.

Professors, students are neighbors in some dorms
Pot-dealers rejoice at saved travel time. Cite rising gas costs.

A meditation on Britney: What made her SO mad?
I’m guessing it has something to with having a sweaty Kevin Federline wriggling and moaning pathetically on top her. That would piss ME off quite a bit.

Down South, candidates have a drawl, y'all
And in New Jersey, they have a “Who you fuckin’ lookin at?” swagger.

NASA: No money to track killer asteroids
Well, maybe if they weren’t spending all their scratch on mirrored shuttle ceilings they'd have two billion-dollar coins to rub together.