Daily Rundown

Plane as wide as football field to land in NYC

Manhattan denizens scheduled to be shitting their pants

Jury selection begins for Phil Spector murder
Have you seen this cat lately? He looks like the unholy spawn of Art Garfunkle and Yahoo Serious. Note to self: If ever facing murder charges, just go to GreatClips.

Carol Burnett not amused by 'Family Guy'
Very few of us are amused by Family Guy anymore.

Up-and-coming country singer killed

At least now he has some good material!

Study: Racing games may spur risky driving

Do MMORPG’s spur more risky sword-play?

FBI: Foreign extremists sign up to drive school buses

Is this some sort of escalation of the Taxi-cab Phenomenon?

Court: Boy who yelled at classmate guilty of stalking
Kwazy: Classmate who got yelled at by Boy guilty of being a whining pussy.

Charges listed against officers in groom shooting
Evidently they misheard the Reverend, “Anyone who objects, shoot now or forever holster your piece.”

TV host makes a date with death

Don’t get too excited…it’s not Nancy Grace.

Three secrets to getting a good night's sleep
Strangely, none of these involved alcohol, drugs, or masturbation.

School collects on 30-year-old fee for missing book

Guess the president finally found Waldo.

Distinguish between tornado myth and reality
Myth: House dropped on wicked witch.
Reality: Trailer dropped on Winn-Dixie