The Daily Roundup
Pet projects tough to trim from Iraq spending bill
Probably better to provide stability and security first, cats and dogs later.
Sewage flood kills 3 in Gaza
Replaces having Andy Reid smother me by sitting on my face as my most horrifying idea of death.
Australian admits terror charge
OK! OK! I fucking did it! Now get that truncheon out my ass!
Police: Man swipes 93 lbs. of ladies' undies
I was not familiar with the fact they were sold by the pound.
White House has new plan for immigration
I got really excited, but then I realized they didn't say emmigration.
Bad credit home loans give economists willies
So do bad credit loans on waterfront property give them wet-willies?
Spears, Federline divorce deal reported
She gets the kids, he gets to keep his Matchbox cars.
Halle Berry reveals suicide attempt
It totally sucks being uber-hot and filthy rich…or so I might imagine.
Boys, 10, beat homeless man, police say
I’m starting a charity that provides homeless people with Tasers. Another indication that those of you who are afflicted with children AREN’T BEATING THEM ENOUGH!!
Students give up social networks for Lent
On Ash Wednesday 11 years ago I gave up Catholicism for Lent. Stuck to it, too! However, I still feel the urge to occasionally gorge myself on arcane superstitions.
Push to revoke Hilton's probation could mean jail
Bought and sold for three packs of Camels. My soul could rest in eternal peace if this happened.
Amazon tribes to get free Internet access
They were totally fucking pissed when they learned domain name Amazon.com already taken.