Been crazy as all heck.

An update for those who give a shit. I've been close to losing my marbles a few times in the last month or three, but I'm getting by. Ain't nothin' to a G.

So, in the effort of not making it into a twenty page litany, here's a breakdown:

• Quit drinking in October. Good for me, great for my family. Been sober and not nearly tempted. Was easier than expected. Wife is happy for me. Problem is, she still doesn't know if she's going to stay with the boy and I. The boozing was not part of the real problem, but her general unhappiness was definitely not helped. I'm cranky and I guess it wears on people. I've invested almost six months in monitoring my tone and reactions. We'll see what happens. Been a long wait, with no end in sight. I believe she is trying to get me to lose my temper and roar like a rabid a-hole so she can say "See? Told ya so." Ain't gonna happen, but it ain't easy sometimes. She doesn't want to bear any blame for the ending of the relationship, and I really do love her. She's a great person and a wonderful wife and (step)Mommy, but I'm at my wit's end. She gotta shit or get off the pot.
• As was noticed by my XBL friends, I was absent for 5 weeks while travelling to Portland in a move to get a better home and job, yaddayaddayadda. I realized that P-town was not to my liking and took an offer from a customer to stay in LA. Building rockets. Pretty cool. I had hoped the change of locale would benefit mine and the wifey's situation. It's what she's been wanting for years. When I make the decision to go, she says she'll leave me and the boy. We'd be in a new town with no family, no friends, and no supprt net. I figured if I stayed here and she left, at least I'd have some supprt. She just won't decide one way or another. Why do I have no hair?
• My son, shining bright star that he is, will not get his schoolwork done. Or homework. Or projects. Or stop being a bother to other kids at school. He's a very sharp kid, but his inability to focus has gone from minor annoyance to serious problem. We've tried everything- vision therapy, learning aids, tutoring, special assistance, diet, vitamins, scheduling, rewards, negative consequences. He shrugs it all off and doesn't deal with it. After 6 years of trying, we're going to try and get him some chemical assistance for his focus issues. He's not physically hyperactive, but that kid could teach the Dalai Lama how to perform transcendental meditation. The boy can go places in his mind that would make the Silver Surfer jealous. He's got an appointment on Thursday.
• The job, which was kinda cool in the beginning, is REALLY effing cool now. I came on board, I was brought in as a manager to start a calibration lab and get a solid system in place to ensure ISO compliance and all the other regulations that deal with space flight. It's like the days before the FAA super-regulated (for our safety) air travel and all associated maintenance. It's a bit seat of the pants, but there are hundreds of years of experience in this place to give me some comfort. Anyone who has any critical task is usually the best in the business, so I'm usually just a well informed lab monkey. The youngest guys in the joint are usually engineers and the oldest are the guys actually doing the building and proofing the engineer's ideas. I found out AFTER I was hired that I am ONE level under the VPs. I literally have one echelon between me and the owner. No buffer zone for stupid stuff.... I sit across from a guy who has a double Phd from Purdue in Experimental Propulsion and Aerospace Engineering. He's not even thirty yet. I had to explain the 401k system to the guy. The guy next to me has his Masters in Chemical Engineering and is designing a system of exo-atmospheric ignition of the second stage of Falcon 9. Want fire? Bring your own oxygen. Crazy stuff. I was in the USMC. They taught me my job. WTF? Sometimes I'm totally outgunned by the IQ points in the air, but I pick up the stuff pretty quick. Enough to not sit there like a mouth breather asking stupid questions. Most of the time.
• The DRIVE. My commute comes from near the Rose Bowl to LAX. Everyday. This is 30 miles and on a great day takes me 25 minutes. Normal days, it's about an hour. On crappy days, it'll take me 2. Hours. Looooong time to sit in SoCal traffic. I've got an entire rant on that for later. Awesome. I need a new car. My old Caprice is super comfy, but needs some serious TLC. I told the wife I need to get another car, but she wants one as well. I want a little commuter, she wants something a little more plush. And me to pay for it. I'd love to get her a decent car, but do I want to commit to a payment on a car I may not have for long? Fucked and fuckered, I tell ya what. Upside is that I got quite a few very informed opinions about getting a little car to piddle to work and back. Thank you, 2o2p community!

In all, things are tolerable, but not ideal. Things will get better, because that's where it'sgotta go. May be painful, may be fun, but things are pushing promise in my direction. I can't hang up on the things that I can't control, just control the things I can. That's been my lesson lately. Hope the lessons you have are a bit easier to learn.

Ain't nothin to a G.