Dancing by myself

Today, dear friends, I voted in our local elections. Although these were merely the primaries, we will know beyond a shadow of a doubt in the next few hours whom our city’s next mayor and town council will be.

For I live in Hamilton County, Indiana. A Democrat has not held an elected position in the county in over fifty years...that’s 50...five-zero. Today marked a new milestone, however. There was not even a Democratic ballot to vote on (not that anyone with half a brand even would have). There was a photocopied page taped right on the front of the firehouse: Republican Primary Only – No Democratic Ballot. You see, to have a ballot, you need candidates.

Yup, we’re all Republicans in Hamilton County...regardless of if we actually are or not. Indiana is a closed-primary state, meaning you have to declare your party affiliation to vote in the primary. If you want to have any voice at all in who your municipal officers are, well...you’re a Republican on paper.

But isn’t that against human nature? Seems it is. In the absence of an enemy, we create our own. It was an exceptionally contentious election. I was visited at my door by no less than seven different candidates. Quite impressive considering I was only eligible to cast a total of four votes.

Each one did a thorough and impressive job in explaining how his/her competitor(s) were evil incarnate, and how if you voted for them (and their faction), all the city’s ills would disappear as if the Men (Bat, Spider, and Super) themselves were going to open up a three-pack of whoop-ass on suburban sprawl and Japanese Beatles (the flying insect kind, not the Ob-Ra-Di, Ob-Ra-Da kind).