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I hate writing these things, but it's my catharsis. I need to blow chunks all over someone's morning, noon and night, and I feel better. You get to wipe the gunk off, and I walk a little lighter. I don't really have many I can get it out to, and the ones that hear it are sick and tired of me.  I'm sorry if you are reading this and are looking for the funny, but it's not with me right now. Stop here.

I just got done watching Garden State with Zach Braff and Natalie Portman. It's a trip, pretty damn funny as well. Watch it with your special someone, or if your love life sucks and you need a real downer, it's a good one. I watch the happy ending and wanted to put my head in a vise. It's basically a story of a guy who breaks free of a chemically altered stupor to realize that life is up and it's down, and if you don't seize those moments, you will miss out on life completely.

I hate movies that make me think. I don't want to reflect and I don't want to worry and I don't want to hurt. I DO want the damn H3 Beta to finish downloading, but then I wouldn't have seen this great flick. Even if it's not at the best time. Shit.

I had a talk today with the wife. She's still in Texas and not telling me a whole lot. I found out her Dad's house is now vacant, that his tenant got married and moved out. This obviously cuts into his income, but I didn't know until today. After two years of hearing about how he can just barely afford the home he's in, I'm cut out when it might be something I would be interested in. Something I might have to make up the slack for, when I'm the only one working. Or might have, but not now.

I found out that she added a data plan onto our cell bill, when she bought a new smartphone on my upgrade coupon. I'm paying for that as well.

I asked her what else she hadn't told me and I hear, "Nothing." What do I believe? My gut tells me there is a lot I haven't been told, and that it'll all hurt the more. There is no telling what kind of shit I'll uncover. She doesn't have a boyfriend. She's too mixed up with her own head, she says. She's working on her. She's trying to be okay.

Who the fuck is 'okay' in the real world? We have ups, and we have downs. We have more of one, or more of the other. But, 'okay'? Trite. Either you accept your situation or you change it. I could go with either. I want her to be here, I want her to want to be here. I don't want her to be okay. Who doesn't want to be happy? She doesn't act like she wants to be happy. She wants to be the martyr. She wants me to tell her to pack her shit, make up her mind for her. She doesn't want to take responsibility for leaving or making it end.

And I have anger problems.

Any guesses?

H3 just got done downloading. Time to call some of you cheating bastards, cheating bastards.

Ain't nothin' to a G.