Dammit. Dammit.

So I get a TEXT MESSAGE from the soon-to-be ex. Tonight whle playing Halo3. Actually, We're playing, the boy's in his room with his friend racing through the campaign. After my blog this morning, I'm feeling pretty juiced. Life is good. Then texting begins.

Mind you, I haven't spoken to her in the better part of a week. She called me last Wednesday to let me know she wouldn't be in contact from Thursday night on because she would be at a church retreat. She was always the very staunch anti-organized religion woman during our relationship. We both grew up in small towns and had hellfire and brimstone heaped upon us, so we WERE very much against church. Now, I'm not condemning it, it is a great boon to many, but I've had too many hypocritical folks judge me in my life. But we were both in agreement that a nature hike on any day of the week beats a church on Sunday morning for feeling close to the Creator. Now she's got Jesus fever. I'm not the only one changing, I guess. I'm just wondering what they'd say if they knew that she was getting everything she had asked for from me, but still abandoned the family? How Christian is that? Marriage as a disposable situation, stepkids that can be walked away from? I'm no theologian, but I'm guessing any minister would frown upon her shitty lack of faith. I see her fading through this just as fast as she did Shamanism, various shades of Spiritualism, Rosicrucianism, Scientology, and a laundry list of others. As soon as they ask her to look inside and find her flaws, she'll quit. She'll never make forward progress because she can't look in the fucking mirror and be honest. It's tough and it hurts and it's hard to change. She ain't got the stuff to do right.

So she's off to church camp. I check my phone messages on Wednesday evening and there is a message from her crazy catlady friend here in LA wanting to talk to the boy. Uh-oh, what is this meddling broad up to now? She's got no kids, never been married and thinks she knows everything about raising kids. And is very vocal. She and I don't see eye to eye on a good day. She gets the boy's email address and sends him a message to the fact that he can send a note to the soon-to-be ex through her. WTF? The kid is 11. He's a boy. He doesn't write emails unless they are about video games. AND he's got the ex's email address, her phone number, all the contact info he could want readily available to him for free and open contact. I don't restrict it. I smell some type of horseshit so when she shoots him the note, I fire back that his email is monitored and her meddling is not welcome. I have NO idea what this broad is up to, but I'm not trucking any horseshit. I tell her that she has been warned and that she is on thin ice. She can keep her email pertinent for an 11 yo or I'll have to cut off her contact. I'm thinking restraining order, box her ears a little if she doesn't straighten up and fly right. She fires off that idle threats will turn around and bite me in the ass and the they are laughable. Then blocks all our email addresses. Fine, good riddance. The boy doesn't even like her, he thinks she's a wierdo. This all goes down before Friday.

I don't hear from the ex on Sunday. Only late on Monday do I get a response. In a text format. She said that Catlady was trying to get a letter that would be forwarded to the retreat folks about what the ex means to my boy in front of everyone. Why didn't Catlady ask? I'd have made him sit down and type something, with zero of my own input. Whatever but the ex is not going to answer the phone and handle this as adults. Fuck it, she'll start calling soon.

I get the text this evening:

"I don't want to talk. Daddy passed early in the morning. I know you want to come but I can't deal with that. And if you did there would go Tyler's excuse for not being there. Call it passive aggressive if u must. Plese respect my wishes."

I replied that I am sorry her Dad passed, but he's in a better place and that I would respect her wishes because I love her. I'm thinking "What fucking excuse? You left!!!"

Then: "Thank you. I've acknowledged Boy as his grandson. Please tell him that." I sent back that I know she has friends to console herm but I'm the one that loves her.

WTF? You run away, ignore the child for weeks at a time, but want him to know that his soon-to-be former step grandfather has hm listed as a surviving grandchild in his obit? And he's not allowed to go to the funeral?

I took a very long time to think about my response and how I was going to handle this whole mess. Do I tell the boy, who is FINALLY doing well in school and is currently reaping the rewards of hard work by playing H3 with his buddy? Do I ruin his evening? Do I send the other boy home? FUUUUUUUUCK. Dammit. Dammit.

I decided that he would finish his evening in a good way. I'll tell him in the morning and we'll spend the day together. I'm not ruining one of the best days in this kid's memory by dropping that fucking bomb on him. I shot back later that I wouldn't tell him about the grandson shit, especially when he's not going to be allowed to say goodbye. Civily, mind you. Hope her new man realizes she's a fickle motherfucker.

So when I got all the invites to play H3 earlier this evening, I was in a very fucked up mood. I've been cranky and short tempered and ready to fight at the drop of a hat. It's been a real test to not snap or be surly. And that was before today.

I love her, but I can't trust her. I'm afraid to let her back in our lives because she will probably betray us again. That's the real pisser. Because I can't turn off the love. The world record going from soulmate to douchebag is 3.2 nanoseconds. Guess who did that?

Ain't nothin' to a G.