Hope

Tuesday I received some encouraging news regarding a recent interview, enough for some guarded optimism that I may get an offer.

 

I found it amazing how that little piece of news just opened up my entire day.  All of a sudden the oppressive nature of my current job didn't seem all that bad.  I walked to the train station through a rainy and dreary late afternoon and all I could think about was how fresh the air smelled.  I was relaxed, I had some measure of confidence in myself back.

 

And it was then that I realized that my angst over my job situation was actually contributing to my thoughts of sin and to my beating myself up over it and yet not being able to get past it.  My angst was an internal switch against my faith.  Now it's very difficult to take one piece of bad news after another and still keep your whole faith and glad heart in God, as Job demonstrates.  But it becomes so clear that if you don't keep your faith through every piece of adversity, the world will tear you apart.  The devil delights in nothing more than tearing down the faithful.

 

I felt like someone had just handed me my glasses after months of trying to make my way through a blurry, confusing world and it was a beautfiul world.  And everything made sense.

 

And keep in mind that I don't actually have a job offer yet - all of these feelings of clarity and understanding are just the result of that small glimmer of hope.  It's a pretty awesome thing.