Respect

I read an article the other day about two 10 year olds (boy and girl) who were involved in a sex act IN CLASS.  Of course, the parents are up in arms saying there should have been more supervision.  Wait, what?  Alright this isn't new, sadly enough.  What caught my eye was the statement about self-respect.  If these kids had any self-respect this situation may not have occurred.  Hmm.  Self-respect.  Isn't that the same or similar to self-esteem?  Isn't that the whole point of not grading in red ink or giving failing grades?  Is this movement failing?

I call Shenanigans on this whole thing.  Shouldn't self-respect/esteem be taught at home?  I guess if the lessons at home were consistent and ongoing, why should it matter if there is red ink on a paper?  Red ink shouldn't diminish a person's self-respect.  How did they get tied together?  We as humans fail and make mistakes.  If we can't learn and grow from those mistakes then how do we become better?

There are few lessons I learned from my mom that have really stuck with me through the years.  1) It doesn't matter what other people think of you but what you think of yourself as long as you aren't disrespecting someone else.  (Respect), and 2) you have to be able to respect yourself before others can respect you.

“If you want to be respected by others the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you.” Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Interesting, she and Dostoyevsky are similar in thought. 

There was a time that I got a lecture from my sister on co-dependency.  I was tying my happiness and existence to this guy who was not of sterling character.  I thought I could change him.  Hmm, where have we heard that before?  It wasn't long till I realized that he wasn't going to change and there was nothing I could do.  I would have to find my own way in the world, by myself.  I had to learn to Love myself.  Otherwise, I would still migrate to those who were not good for me.  I did not respect myself enough to seek someone who would respect me.  This is a common situation with men and women who are in abusive situations.  They believe that this is what they deserve, this is how you love someone.  WRONG!

I left him and began to really learn to live by myself and with myself.  It wasn't easy.  But, I learned to set my boundaries with people and with myself and those who wanted to cross those boundaries were not welcome in my life.  I could live with myself and like/love who I was.  If I could like/love myself, others could also.

My self-respect did not come from my teachers not using red ink.  It came from my parents, granted later than I would have liked, but I have always been hard headed and l learned by the school of hard knocks.  But, I still attribute this growth to them.  It was their support, not coddling that allowed this.

Keep on Go!