You dont know Chuck

During a stay at Neverland Ranch in the 80's, Chuck Norris was awoken by Michael Jackson who was trying to sneak into his bed. Chuck punched Jackson so hard that he knocked the black right off of him.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant; he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North; They point in the direction of Chuck Norris. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for pussies!" at the Arctic researchers.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT! They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN! The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Chuck Norris ate him for good measure. The incident has since been referred to as Christmas.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and kill.
When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
If you were to lock Chuck Norris in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever. It would sweep the Grammys. When asked why he doesn't do this Chuck Norris replied, "because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris was the hunter who shot Bambi's mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a horse," after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris' hair is too afraid of him to grow.
You are what you eat. That is why Chuck Norris' diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up; He's pushing the Earth down.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
The main export of Chuck Norris is pain