Chair Wars

Hand of fate is moving and the finger points to you
He knocks you to your feet and so what are you gonna do
Your tongue has frozen now you've got something to say
The piper at the gates of dawn is calling you his way

You watch the world exploding every single night
Dancing in the sun a newborn in the light
Say goodbye to gravity and say goodbye to death
Hello to eternity and live for every breath

Your time will come, your time will come
Your time will come, your time will come

My cat is an idiot. A cute, fluffy idiot...but an idiot nonetheless. I offer you exhibit A below:

See? Cute, fluffy, (looks a little slutty there too), and devious.

She wants attention so badly but can't bring herself to outright clamor for it, so she goes the sneaky route. Maybe its to placate her own mind in the fact that she's really independent, I dunno. She will follow me around and lay by where ever I go, but always just out of arm's reach. See? She isn't there for me, she's there because she wants to be. So if I'm on the bed playing 360 or watching a movie or whatever, she sleeps on the computer chair. If I'm on the computer chair, she's on the bed. She won't go on the bed with me there (most times) and will give me a disgusted look and leave if I get on it. But she really, really likes the computer chair above all else.

The other night I was converting some dvds for my Zune and had to spend a lot of time sitting at the computer. But in between I would go back and lie on the bed. So she would be on the chair, then I would need to get on the chair to get at the computer, so I would shag her off it and she would go on the bed. But 2 minutes later I would be done on the computer and go back to the bed, so she would get off the bed and go back to the chair. This was clearly irritating her as this kept up all evening.

The ferryman wants his money you ain't going to give it back
He can push his own boat as you set up off the track
Nothing you can contemplate will ever be the same
Every second is a new spark, sets the universe aflame

You watch the world exploding every single night
Dancing in the sun a newborn in the light
Brothers and their fathers joining hands and make a chain
The shadow of the Wicker Man is rising up again

Your time will come, your time will come
Your time will come, your time will come

So then I get the bright idea to bribe her off the chair with her kitty treats. I keep a tube of them here by the computer. She's funny with her treats, too. The only place she'll eat them is on my bed. I can toss them to her on the floor, she just stares at me. I try giving her a couple on the chair, she gets up and stares at them. And oh man am I in trouble if I put them in her food dish. <shudders>

So I grab the tube of treats while she's sitting on the chair and shake them. Immediately she is wide awake and mesmerized by the tube, licking her lips for full effect. So I open the tube and pull one out, wave it under her nose. Well, that did it. She's immediately up and just waiting for the treats to hit the bed. So I toss a couple there, and BAM...there she goes, off the chair and onto the bed. So later I need to get back on the computer, same deal; treats, bed, the chair is mine. We do this a couple times, and its easier and easier for me to access the chair.

But of course, this was not a good idea. Cats are creatures of habit, and this one developed a habit very quickly: she wouldn't budge from the chair unless there were treats involved. I don't want to just load her up with the treats of course, thats probably not good for her. So last night I go to move her off the chair...just nicely pick her up and toss her over onto the bed...and wow, did I meet resistance.

She was looking at the tube as I reached for her, and as I began to pick her up she realized the double-cross was in - no treats! So she rebelled by not only grasping the chair with claws, but she also pressed her body hard down against the chair in effort to make it more difficult to pick her up. Well, body mass and opposable thumbs eventually won that battle for me, but she's not happy about it. She has tried standing on her hinds and leaning against my leg, trying to cute herself into treats. Not tonight, Kitty. Then she gets on her hind legs by where I keep the treats and gingerly pokes at it, hoping with all her might some of her precious treats will come spilling out.

As I type this now she's on the bed, eyeballing me and just waiting for me to get up for another shot at her num-nums. Poor Kitty.

And thats all for me tonight, thanks for reading.

<here's the link to the video for the song in the blog for your viewing pleasure!>

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0RQwD3bQmw